Nobody Wants To Know Him

LIX - Tomorrow Never Knows

Saturday 14th September 1974
Liverpool, England
11.35am

"I can't believe ye actually did it," Tim said, leaning back in his chair. "You got married to John. I always thought you were joking."

The three of us, Tim, Suzy, and I, were sat in a small café down the Liverpool high street for a catch up. We hadn't been there ages, just long enough so far to do the basic small talk catch up, and to order some coffee. Suzy had the next week off on a holiday, and was visiting family with her boyfriend, Kevin, and then the two of them were heading up to Scotland for the week.

"Yeah, I mean, remember when you said you'd rather wrestle a crocodile than get married?" Suzy added, raising an eyebrow.

I laughed. I did say several things along those lines years ago, but relationships themselves had always been something I was apprehensive about. Just the start of John and I's relationship was enough to prove that. "Okay, I might've exaggerated a bit back then. But, come on, John's nothing like a crocodile."

"He's way better looking, for one," Tim said with a smirk, and I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastically humorous, making a subtle jab at John, or making a subtle jab at me. "But seriously, let's have at it then. How's married life really treating you?"

It was a good question, really. How was married life treating me? It didn't feel like it was much different - at least not between me and John. I hadn't really expected much to change between us; we had already been living together for the better part of a year and a half, and together for almost two. I felt that the lives we had already created with each other prior to the wedding were so interconnected that this didn't feel like such a huge jump. We had sort of eased ourselves into it, albeit subconsciously.

But I supposed that, from an outside perspective, or theoretically, it was pretty different. John wasn't my boyfriend anymore, nor was he my fiancé, but he was my husband. It was quite strange to think about really. I was now a married woman, metaphorically 'hitched', and John was now a married man. It was odd to think of myself as being 'married'. For most of the time while we were together, and this was true for any of my other previous partners, marriage never was something I had really thought about. It was never at the forefront of my mind, and I may have perhaps dwelled on it briefly, but never enough to consider what I wanted from a marriage. And, honestly, I wasn't too sure what I did want from marriage. All I knew was that I just wanted for the both of us to be happy and settled, maybe with our own family.

For other couples, I knew that marriage was could be a huge deal and potentially change their entire relationship dynamic, whether that be for better or for worse, but for us, that was simply not the case, and we were both content with that. But something to keep in mind was that, technically, this was still the 'honeymoon' phase. However, even as newlyweds, the way we interacted with each other wasn't much different to before, albeit a little bit more public affection from John.

There were, of course, the little things. John was taking it upon himself to be 'more manly', claiming it was to be 'a good husband', but it was realistically all in good humour - I'd laugh at his gallant attempts to impress me, and tell him he was already a good enough husband, and then he'd go to soft mush and start doting all over me again. Something I also noticed was that while we were out, less men would flirt with me, and the same could be said for John. It was something which had aggravated John to no end before, even though he knew I was loyal to him (he once confessed that it was his insecurities coming in to play), so now he was pretty happy with this new development. He knew he was a jealous man, and he often didn't try to hide it.

It had also, in a way, softened John quite a bit. He had always pretended to be stronger than he was, and I knew that inside he really was just a soft lad, but this marriage was something that wasn't just internal, but also external. Outwardly, he seemed much happier to talk about his own life, how much he loved me, how happy he was at home, and he was much more affectionate - both verbally and physically.