The Confusing Diary of a Very Angry Meerab

Dear Diary, I am in lust with Murtasim Khan?

Dear Diary

Life had absolutely completely low balled me. It had knocked me over and punched me again and again until I, I, the forever Sparkly Meerab, was starting to lose her sparkle.

First I had some kind of accident that left me in a coma and wiped off my memories of the last few months. It had overwhelmed me but I had tried to remain positive. But as I stare at the ceiling in my room, chocolate wrappers making a nice blanket across my feet ( don't judge, diary) I could only wonder- how is this my life?

Ya Khudaya, are you playing a joke on me? If you are this is some sort of twisted humor..

Because I thought the real tragedy was that I lost my memory- no, diary,no- that was a blessing in disguise. The real tragedy was that in the four months that I lost- I  must have lost my mind because somehow in those months that I had given up on studying law and married arrogant, regressive, simply horrendous Murtasim Khan.

Once that bombshell had hit me, diary, everything else had faded. Life couldn't be worse. Well, it could be. I am sure some pseudo- intellectual on X would simply post about worse fates that people suffer. So I will qualify my statement- life could be worse but it couldn't be worse than this.

I hate Murtasim Khan. Hell, my password is inspired by this sentiment. How on earth did that go from hate to marriage? There was no one worse in the world for me to marry- well again, before anyone attacks me with pitchforks- I guess there are worse people to marry, I guess. I could have married Shoaib Malik and become the most hated women in India- Pakistan. Or Donald Trump.. and our kids will be born with orange poop emoji on their heads.

Oh you may laugh thinking it's ludicrous but oh-but that's the thing, diary. For me marrying Murtasim Khan is just as ludicrous. I hate him.. I have hated him for years. He's regressive, arrogant, pretentious and all certified A-hole.

I don't like the way he talks to me.. I never did but I now downright hate it. He tries to be gentle towards me but there's a possessiveness about it that I hate.. it makes my skin crawl. And I don't like the way he looks at me... before it was more of a judgemental look. Now.. well now.. he looks at me differently. His eyes are softer somehow but it lingers on me. It's honestly creepy because it like he's undressing me wit his eyes.. like he wants to see me naked.

Oh. My. God.

He has seen me that way, hasn't he? I am married to him for months now.. and.. and that meant.. I.. I..

I screamed as loud as my lungs could manage and closed my laptop to grab my phone.

I dialed Sabah. Who picked up tired. She had been texting me updates on Rohail's condition. I had hardly responded. But now.. now I needed to talk.

But I needed to ask someone.

"Meerab?"

"Did we have sex?" I demanded.

"Y-you and me?" She asked, clearly confused.

I grimaced. "No! Me and Murtasim !"

"Huh? "

My God, this girl was slow.

"Did we?"

"Mujhe nahin pata ," she answered.

" Tujhe kaise nahin pata? You are my best friend. Shouldn't you know this?" I demanded. Clearly I thought more of this friendship than she did.

She huffed. " you didn't even tell me you were getting married.Invite bhi nahin kiya mujhe. Woh toh mujhe aaj pata chala ke Teri shaadi ho chuki hai"