𝘽𝙪𝙗𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙜𝙪𝙢 || １８+

006 . .

TW;

None. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Whenever I feel sad, I always try to find my way back to Jonathan. He always manages to make me happy somehow, even though that means he can't deal with his own grief. Sometimes I've felt like I've been a pain in his ass, even though I don't want to. I've kept trying to deal with my grief on my own, but it got too much to handle. I needed a brother figure by my side. I don't feel like going out anymore. Every time I'm inhaling fresh air, feels like too much. Nicole has been asking me to go out to relieve stress, but I declined her offer. Clubbing isn't my number one priority. I know she didn't meant to hurt me with asking me out, she has the best intentions to help me get over my sister's death, but it's impossible. It feels like there is no 'getting over it'.

I've always thought that people where overreacting when they talked about grief. I thought it was just a feeling they had and that the storm would pass soon.
Passing the storm never felt harder than this.

Being in my room, sinking into my own thoughts used to help me every single time, but it didn't feel the same anymore. Everything in here reminded me of her, she was everywhere. In the pictures on my moodboard, that one shirt she used to borrow so often, the fights we had in here because of me stealing her clothes.

A tear fell down my cheek.

Don't cry..

Don't cry..

I kept repeating it in my head, yet it didn't work. Again. Another tear rolled down, followed by another, and another. It didn't take long before I broke down in tears while sitting at my desk. Sobs filled the room as my head rested on my handpalms, my hands catching the tears before they landed on the pair of sweatpants I've been wearing non stop over the past weeks. I was a mess, and I didn't know how to clean it anymore. My head flicked up from the annoying sound of little stones hitting my window. Each second, a new stone hitted my window with a muffled thud.

I groaned in annoyance, now wiping the stains of mascara away with the sleeve of my hoodie, trying to fight the urge to sit back on my chair to continue crying like a goddamn child.

Yet I managed to stand up, walk over to the window and roll it up, feeling the cold air brushing over the skin of my face. I blinked twice, the cold air feeling even colder because of my damp skin. When I looked down I spotted Nicole under my window, now waving up to me with a smile. "I thought I'd keep you some company while you sat in your room crying!" She shouted up, making a passerby look up from his phone with a raised eyebrow.

I felt my face heatening up from embarassement. "Fine, coming." I muttered under my breath, now closing the window again with a loud bang, causing the bottles of perfume to vibrate on my desk. I hurried down the stairs, my steps incredibly loud. Jonathan looked up when he saw me coming downstairs while he continued to chew on his noodles, his eyebrow raised as he leaned against the kitchen counter. He looked quite suprised, which wasn't weird since I haven't been downstairs for the past days except to grab food.

When I opened the door, I didn't get a chance to say hi when Nicole immediately pulled me into a tight hug. The hug was so tight I didn't even get the chance to breathe anything else except for her overused gucci perfume. "Oh god, Av! I missed you so so much! Are you okay?" She muttered in my hair as she didn't let go of the hug, which caused me to almost suffocate. I pushed her off me in a gentle way, causing her to furrow. "I'm fine, I promise." I opened the door a bit further, allowing her to come in. She didn't hesitate but immediately walk inside on her way to the kitchen, as if the roles were swapped and this was her house instead. "God I thought you'd never ask me. I'm so thirsty, do you have something like... Sprite?" While she was talking, she made her way to the kitchen as she opened the fridge, now looking around for something to drink. Jonathan glanced over at me, immediately annoyed by Nicole's pressence, as if she was some kind of disease walking inside. His eyes narrowed as he pushed himself off the counter, placing his bowl of noodles on the counter as he walked up to the fridge, holding it open as he looked inside, his gaze following Nicole's. "Nicole." He said, nodding his head towards her as in a greeting. She didn't seem amused, as she glanced up and giving him a agitating glare. "Jonathan." She spoke, her voice cold as ice, sharp as a freshly filed knife which could cut through stone if she wanted to.