Fake Love ~ LARRY STYLINSON

37

HARRY

Yesterday I posted a picture of Louis. I was high and made a dumb decision. Zayn told me how stupid I was being, but I would be lying if I said I regretted it.

When I open my phone and scroll through twitter there's not one tweet not talking about my post. The photo of Louis is being spread all over the internet. I know I should've asked him first, but in my high induced state I couldn't even think.

The other night when I was drunk and told him I didn't know him was horrible. I basically dehumanized him and instead of talking about it with him I just publicly handled it. I had no clue how Louis feels about this, but he did like the post.

Zayn came into my room that night and basically tore me apart. Obviously Louis told Zayn what I said to him, and Zayn was not happy at all. I wouldn't be either though. Those two are close and I know if anyone said anything like that to Niall I'd rip their head off. If anything Zayn seemed to be under reacting. Even though he was yelling I made Louis feel like a piece of dirt. Zayn told me he was drinking all day and wouldn't get up until Zayn came into his room.

Louis texted me and asked to talk, but I'm too scared. I don't want to talk to him. Even though he hurt me I promised him I wouldn't fuck up this time, and I did. I'm more than angry with myself.

Simon tweeted about my post too. When I saw his tweet I could feel my blood boil.

Simon Cowell
The caption is cute. Harry does know how much of a liar Louis is.

Most of the comments under his post are negative, which I expected. There's a lot of people questioning his tweet. The thing I said on stage also isn't helping with people thinking Louis is a liar.

I know he wasn't faking it though. When he talked to me the other night I believed every word he said. I just ended up getting pissed and I really wanted to hurt him. I regret that night horribly. I should've told Louis to wait till I was sober to talk to me, but I didn't. I should've done a lot of things differently. I know I have the right to be mad though. I just don't know if I should be mad at Louis or Simon.

My phone starts to ring and I pick it up to see Louis is calling me. I hang up and set my phone back down. I need a little more time before I talk to him.

~

Niall and Liam are in my room right now. Even though Louis and I told the boys not to take sides, there's still division in the band. I can only assume Zayn is with Louis right now.

"Have you talked to Louis?" Liam asks after I explain why I posted the picture.

"No, I don't want to right now. I will eventually, I'm just not ready," I reply.

"We get that Harry, but you can't just do that and ghost him. He deserves an explanation," Niall says.

"He'll get one. Just for at least today I don't want to see him. Not because I'm holding a grudge against him, I just feel like shit," I admit.

"Why would you feel like shit? Sure you should've told him you were posting it, but it's not something to beat yourself up about," Niall comforts me.

I'm guessing Louis didn't tell Liam, and he definitely didn't tell Niall. They don't know what brought this all on, but I would prefer for them not to know. I wish Zayn didn't know either, but Louis is going to tell Zayn everything that happens. Zayn was the first one to know about Louis and Simon's deal in the first place.

"There's something else, but that's between Louis and I. I just did something I shouldn't have," I admit to them. They both stay quiet and I sip on my drink.

"I'm just worried because everyone is painting Louis out to be a liar about something they don't even know about. I just hope that Simon doesn't tell anyone, he'll villainize Louis," Liam expresses his worry.

"Well we can't forget what he did," Niall adds.

"I talked to him about it. I'm not mad. You guys don't know anything about it so don't act like you do," I tell them off starting to get frustrated.

"Well Louis is telling everything to Zayn, why can't we know anything?" Niall asks.

"I don't even want Zayn knowing what's happening, but Zayn knew about this before I even did. He has more of a part in this than you think," I retaliate.

After I say that room goes quiet. I can tell they don't really know what to say. I'm not keeping information from them to piss them off, I just want to keep this as low key as possible, which posting that wasn't really low-key. But people don't know the actual situation.

"I'm sorry guys," I apologize breaking the silence. "It's just a lot and I don't want this to take over every aspect of my life."

"It's okay Harry, we understand," Niall reassures me.

"Thanks guys," I reply smiling.

We talk for about the next hour, and I can tell they're purposefully not trying to bring Louis up. I appreciate it though. My whole life has been Louis for months, and I just need a break tonight. I still love him, but it's overtaking everything.

The boys end up leaving around midnight. I'm left alone, and I go back to only thinking about Louis.

As I lay down in my bed I think about all the memories we've made in these past few months. My favorite ones were when we were close. I was always clingy with Louis. Every chance I got I would touch him.

I pull out my phone and click on his contact. My drunk mind is really betraying me tonight, but when I'm drunk I'm not very kind to myself. I start typing and click send on the message.

Harry: I love you

I put my phone on the charger and nestle into the bed sheets. I want to be able to hold Louis right now, but I can't.

Eventually I'm able to fall asleep.