Jonnor - A Tale of Self-Discovery and Friendship

Say Anything

To say the last two weeks of Connor's life were a train-wreck would be an ultimate understatement. His parents' divorce was completely finalized, and now was staying with his mom as his dad refused to even look at him straight. His mom wasn't particularly excited about Connor dating Jude, but she was willing to put her beliefs aside for her son who she loved more than anything. This support from her was the only thing keeping Connor going. He had skipped the majority of his classes for the first week or so of school, deeming it pretty much impossible to focus on any homework, eating lunch or even laying at the beach without Jude by his side. Normally, Connor took his studies seriously but without Jude encouraging him or even being in the same room as him, he simply didn't care anymore.

Eventually, he ended up getting caught trying to sneak out of first period as Lena was making her runs through the hallway, catching sight of Connor as he opened the school exit on the north side.
"Where do you think you're going Connor?" Lena's voice stopped Connor dead in his trail, but he didn't jump.
"Follow me to my office sir." Lena instructed and Connor followed her without even looking in her direction.
Lena gestured for Connor to take a seat once they arrived and he made his way to the chair lined in purple stitched leather, one he had grown familiar with over the years at Anchor Beach.
"Do you think we can't notice you're skipping class Connor? Huh?" Lena questioned, seemingly irritated.
"No...I know you can." Connor was tracing the stitches in the chair's right arm with his finger, unwilling to look at Lena.
"I know it's tough right now for you. I do. I also know you love Jude, but I promise you he's getting better every day. We were able to get through to him about Stef and I being his moms and how his parents have both passed away. He even is almost done remembering all of his siblings, with Callie being no problem for him to remember." Lena was trying to cheer Connor up, but he was still fixated on the arm of the chair with worn fibers.
"Why can't he remember me then? I thought we were going to be together forever..." Connor kept his eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears that were beginning to form behind his eyelids. He was utterly sick of crying. He cried the day of the incident. He cried the day after. He cried the day after that. He cried yesterday. He cried today before getting to school. And he cried during all of the moments in between. He was surprised his tear-ducts hadn't fallen off from misuse at this point. Lena seeing the torment Connor was going through, got up out of her chair to sit next to him, reaching her hands out for him to hold. With his eyes shut, he kept his hands laced together so tight it wasn't possible fit a strand of hair between his fingers. Instead, Lena grazed up next to him, resting her arm on his shoulder giving him a side-hug, leaving a kiss on his temple and whispering encouragement.
"Why don't you come and visit Jude? I'm sure you want to see him and maybe you can spark a memory?" Lena whispered in his ear. Connor shot up.
"I don't know if I can handle seeing Jude view me as a stranger anymore." Connor said, his voice breaking near the end of the sentence.
"If you and Jude are meant to be together forever hun, you can't give up on him right now. He needs you and I know you can't give up on yourself either. You need him too." Lena left him with these words of wisdom as she got up to leave the office, inviting Connor to stay as long as he needed.

Connor rushed home in record time. He wanted to wear Jude's favorite outfit, hoping that would help Jude remember him: a bright blue and black plaid button-up, with a red undershirt and black stained jeans. Jude loved the contrast in the colors and with the memory of Jude saying to Connor "You look really cute in that" lingering in Connor's mind, he smiled for the first time in these last two weeks of hell. He took a deep breath after staring at himself in the mirror for the last few moments, trying to recite lines he'd use to try and help Jude as if he was trying out for the school's main play.

Once Connor arrived at Jude's house, he didn't have to wait long to get a response: and it was Jesus. This was in fact the first time they had seen each other since Jude and Connor began dating.
"Hey bro, how's it been?" Jesus pulling him as they did a handshake.
"Oh, nothing much really. It has been awhile..." Connor said awkwardly, unsure of what to talk about as his main focus was Jude.
"It's going to be ok dude. I promise," Jesus rested his hand on Connor's shoulder, looking right through Connor's facade and sensing he was nervous as all hell.
"Thanks...where is Jude anyway?" Connor shuddered, relieved to feel a layer of tension peeled off by Jesus being so brotherly.
"He's up in his room, I'll leave you two be." Jesus quickly was off towards the kitchen, pointing up to the staircase before doing so. Connor took another deep breath before heading upstairs. Every step felt like a mile uphill for Connor and was mentally exhausting. Once he got in front of Jude's room, he took his third deep breath with overly-used-recently lungs before slowly knocking on Jude's door first to let him know someone was there. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Jude again; that was one of the painful things Connor ever had to witness. Connor could hear a "Come in!" from behind the door and Connor creaked the door open ever-so-slowly.

"Hey..." Connor wasn't sure how to start talking to Jude, but wanted to be very articulated and slow with him, hoping the small things he could do would make a difference.
"Hey. You're the one from the hospital, right?" Jude was focused on his tablet, which appeared to have a book downloaded on it that he was reading. This somewhat put Connor at ease seeing Jude function perfectly normally, just unable to do what Connor wanted most, and that was to remember the two of them together.
"Yeah...that's me. Still don't remember me Jude?" Connor said, voice choked.
"Well, you didn't tell me your name at the hospital...and how do you know my name?" Jude questioned, placing the tablet now beside him, curious as to who this boy was in front of him. Hearing Jude question how Connor knew him pained him more than he anticipated, rendering him almost unable to speak. Determined to make Jude remember their past, he mustered up the ability to speak as he inched closer to Jude's bed.
"It's Connor. And Jude...we've been best friends for months now." Connor explained, trying to find any sort of evidence that would help bring back a memory. Luckily, he randomly found a picture of them at a Padres game on one of Jude's corkboards and ripped it off, being careful not to damage it.
"Here...look." Connor gestured for Jude to see them together and as Jude's eyes scanned the photo, Connor became more and more discouraged as he saw no spark of emotion emitting from Jude's eyes. Instead, Jude strained to come up with even a response.
"Jude...we did everything together. And...you're my boyfriend..." Connor now felt a tear streaming down his cheek, just hoping for anything - absolutely anything - to make Jude speak.

And then Jude in fact spoke.
"We were?" Jude asked, with an unsure look on his face.
"We are. You still are my boyfriend, and I'm not giving up on you. On us." Connor went to hold Jude's hand and at first Jude didn't resist, but began to try to break free from Connor's grasp. Connor gripped tighter, pleading, "Please Jude. Please. Let me kiss you. I want you to remember me and maybe that'll help". Connor was as desperate as he had ever been. He knew that getting through to Jude would perhaps require drastic measures and he wasn't sure how he'd ever make Jude feel comfortable with kissing a complete stranger. Would he have to make him fall in love with Connor all over again?
"Connor?" Jude asked, voice only able to be heard amongst the two of them, with both boys so close to one another now that they could feel each others' breath on their face. And then Connor lunged forward, gently cupping Jude's face kissing him as if his life - and their relationship - depended on it.