Jonnor - A Tale of Self-Discovery and Friendship

Long Way There

Jude had internal desire bursting from the seams of his lips, causing him to kiss Connor repeatedly, everywhere. Jude after awhile became exhausted and found himself lying next to Connor, lips swollen and breathing quickly. Connor let out a quick chuckle and positioned himself on top of Jude, pushing his legs in between Jude's. He found himself staring into his boyfriend's eyes and he didn't realize how distracted he was by them until Jude spoke.

"What's wrong?" Jude wondered why Connor just stopped.
"Nothing. Your eyes are just beautiful." Connor smiled, completely taking himself out of the mood and wheeling back into his helpless romantic self.
"You didn't come here to look into my eyes, you came here to fuck me." Jude's tone was rather directive, suggestively pulling Connor closer to him where they were rubbing up against each other.
"Jude...are you sure? This isn't really the way I thought we'd do this." Connor admitted. And he knew Jude wouldn't take semi-denial well.
"I've already told you yes. Come on...you have me right where you want me." Jude smirked before lunging forward, combining their lips together, using his tongue very aggressively. It was obvious a surge of confidence was pulsing through Jude, as he normally would never be so physical and physically needing. But, Connor had felt strongly about not feeling "right", and he pulled away.
"I'm sorry Jude, but this doesn't feel right. This is really important to me and I don't want a random fuck to be our first time. I'm sorry." Connor went to leave Jude a kiss, but Jude turned his face to the left to avoid Connor, and Connor settled for Jude's cheek instead.
Feeling defeated, he got up and changed back into his clothes, thoroughly watching Jude and hoping he'd see Jude's face soften. It did not.
"I love you. I don't need sex to feel this way." Connor said somewhat sarcastically. And then he was off, Jude unable to understand how a teenager of their age could deny sex that was right in front of him. Jude wasn't sure if it was him that was at fault, or Connor. He just didn't get it. Then he heard sudden and quick footsteps as if someone was running up the stairs, and then before he knew it, it was Jesus standing at his door. Jude managed in the three seconds given to cover himself under his blankets so he wouldn't be naked in front of his brother.

"Hey...why did Connor storm off like that? You guys ok?" Jesus asked, trying to figure out why Jude was covering himself up like a cocoon in his comforter.
"No...yeah, we're fine. We are," Jude began, going back and forth with his answer. "It's complicated."
"Well, doing stuff at your age would do that to you." Jesus started laughing, as he inched his way into his bedroom, going over to his bed and sitting on the edge.
"What are you talking about?" Jude tried to act innocent and oblivious, but Jesus wasn't having any of it.
"Dude...I'm not stupid. Your underwear is on the floor, you're naked under that blanket. I'm just glad you covered up!" Jesus was still laughing in between every other word, amused that he has embarrassed his brother - something he hadn't done in a long time. "Honestly though, if that's what you two are doing...well, I don't know man. I didn't even do stuff when I was your age."
"Jesus...you're 17 now. You're barely older than me." Jude was becoming a bit irritated Jesus, who at one point secretly tattooed his girlfriends' name on his ribcage, was giving him advice over sex.
"Yeah, but a lot of stuff happened in those couple years and some of it I regret," Jesus began to recollect, remembering all of his ex-girlfriends and his first time. And then, he was struck with the memory of finally loving a girl, and after their first time, she was deported back to Honduras. Jesus snapped himself back into the moment, and seeing Jude so tense, he decided to walk over to him.

"Seriously dude. I made a lot of mistakes. You're smarter than me for sure. Maybe you two should wait. Just a little bit. I don't really care, but obviously you two have something to work out because you look super pissed and Connor is never mad at you, like I've never seen it." Jesus gave Jude "the look" before lifting himself off the bed and out of sight downstairs. Jude laid there wondering what Connor was doing at that exact moment, what he should do to explain to Connor what's been going on in his head and more than anything, what would have happened if they did it.

---

Jude: Please just text me back, it's been like two hours and you still haven't responded

Jude had his fan turned on full-blast, his entire body wrapped tightly in his sheets and phone held with both hands as he laid his head sideways on his pillow. He waited, and waited and waited...

Connor: I'm here
Jude: I'm sorry
Connor: What's going on with you. Like seriously
Jude: I don't know. I feel bad for tonight
Connor: We don't need to do that stuff to be together you know
Jude: Yeah, I know. I just thought it would help

"Help with what exactly?" Connor exclaimed from the entranceway of the Adams-Fosters home. "Now we're in trouble or something?"
"How did yo..." Jude was stuttering, not ready to come into contact with Connor so suddenly. He still felt pretty poorly about earlier in the night.
"I stayed outside in the backyard by the swing. I was hoping you'd text me back sooner to be honest." Connor went and laid next to Jude, holding him and his blanket as one solid entirety.
"I guess it was just what I thought was next is all." Jude had been reading online about gay couples and he convinced himself that sex was the next step in their relationship and he could see now that couldn't have been farther from the truth.
"Our next step is being more honest with each other babe. I don't need to put it in you to know I want you. Ok?" Connor snuggled even closer and left a few surprise kisses on Jude's back. The warmth sent chills down Jude's spine, spiking him back into thinking dirty thoughts from before. "Ok?" Connor asked again, seeking confirmation.
"Ok. I'm sorry Con. I would feel better if you slept with me tonight. I've been kind of a mess since you left." Jude pleaded.
"I wish I could, but my dad texted me earlier wanting me home tonight. He has some stuff early tomorrow morning he wanted me to go to with him. I'm sorry." Connor explained.
"It's ok. I deserve it honestly." Connor flipped Jude to where both boys were facing each other.
"Stop with the pity party. Everything is fine, get some rest and I promise I'll see you tomorrow. I love you," Connor quickly kissed Jude, his lips lingering only for a second before they lifted off Jude's. "I mean it."
"I love you too, Con."

Connor, after a week or so of staying at Jude's house, finally was able to speak with his father again. It wasn't by choice as his dad randomly showed up there after secretly contacting Lena and arranging a meeting of both families. They hashed out quite a bit, actually; Adam conveyed not liking homosexuality, not so much for what it was, but for what it entailed: discrimination, bullying, named being thrown at them and the stares they'd get just for being themselves. Adam also admitted in school he was a bully himself, and he certainly didn't want that for his son. Connor realized that though the ways he showed love for his son were very abstract, somewhat cruel and definitely not constructive, he still loved his son. And he was determined to win him back. Recently, Connor decided to give his dad a second chance and so far, it had been great. They went out more for lunch, to the arcade or the movies together a few times - even with Jude included - and more often than not, it was Adam asking his son how his relationship was, not the other way around. And interestingly enough, Connor's grades immediately improved, showing his focus and happiness was somewhat dependent on Jude. Connor, for once, felt peace in his balance between his home life, his school life and his life with Jude, which to him meant more than anything else combined.