Jonnor - A Tale of Self-Discovery and Friendship

Bulls are Red, My Nails are Blue

It had been six months since Brandon was an outpatient at Anchor Bay Hospital, but to Jude it only felt like, maybe, six days ago. Each day seemed to feel longer than the last, and his PTSD wasn't getting any better. Any time there was a loud noise, sudden movement or anything that could naturally startle a person, he was triggered. And after several treatments with a psychologist, he'd realized it wasn't Brandon so much being shot. He loved his brother dearly, and ever since the incident had been very overprotective of him, even if he was the younger of the two. What had gotten into his head was Connor being shot. Not just originally, back when they snuck out together in the middle of the night. But last week. Yesterday. Last night, even...in his dreams. It was always infiltrating his thoughts when he slept. Jude was so scared to sleep, half the time he'd sneak Red Bulls into his room and drink them to stay awake for the next day. Connor eventually caught on, having seen a can underneath Jude's bed, but he couldn't be everywhere.

And here Jude was, again, guzzling down an energy drink, absolutely stricken with fear he'd watch Connor's eyes close and feel his pulse slowly fade away. It was only 10:43 P.M. but Jude's eyelids felt heavy. He hoped Connor was still up.

Jude: Hey
Connor: Can't sleep?
Jude: I just don't want to:/
Connor: Don't make me come over there, you need to sleep
Jude: Will you?
Connor: Do you really want me to?
Jude: Please
Connor: I'll be there in a min

Jude re-read the text conversation until Connor was at his door, gently knocking to let Jude know he was there. He walked over to the edge of the bed, sat down and caressed Jude's hand for a minute before speaking.

"Jude, you can't keep doing this babe...this is the fourth straight night I've had to sleep with you." Connor, at this rate, could, and maybe should have easily brought luggage and stayed at the Foster's house. "I love cuddling with you and all, but you're definitely not going to get better if you rely on me here." Connor didn't say anymore, he just found the spot of the bed he'd been calling home for the last year, which was closest to the wall, and held Jude. Jude's breathing began to slow, and Connor knew he had fallen asleep. Connor began to sing:

"It's a beautiful night..
We're looking for something dumb to do...
Hey baby...
I just want to...help you..."

For the first time in a very long time, Jude got through a school day unscathed. He didn't have to leave class early to sit in the bathroom stall alone and read the ever-changing graffiti. He didn't have to wait for Connor to kiss him before getting in the car with Lena to drive home. In fact, he only saw Connor once all day and that was during lunch. And he remembered his lunch tasting fantastic too. All in all, it was a good day. Even Marianna noticed.

"Hey Judeeeeee, what's gotten into you today?" She nudged his arm, her smile contagious enough to cause Jude's cheeks to redden.
"Nothing really. Just a good day." Jude was honest in saying there wasn't a particular cause related to his happiness.
"Well, I'm glad. I haven't seen you smile in awhile." Marianna sat next to Jude. "How are things going with you and Connor? I...I didn't want to ask this, but I noticed there was a condom missing in the cabinet. Are you two that serious?" She began giggling, not really sure why she jumped to this topic so suddenly.
"No, we didn't last night. Well, actually at all. And how did you know there's one missing if you weren't in there to grab one?" Jude smirked, and with her sudden paleness, he knew he caught her. "I won't say anything if you won't say anything."
Marianna knew she was in his grasp.
"Deal. I went to get one for Mat and I. But, I could tell someone took one from last week. Momma and I were talking when she put a new box in there. She said the ones in there were recalled or something." Jude had been wanting to tell someone about him and Connor and what they've tried, but wasn't exactly sure who to tell. And he realized Marianna was the most trustworthy in the family with such information.
"Connor and I haven't had sex...yet. I don't know if we will, but we've gotten close. We've been together for awhile now and I know we're young but I feel like we've been through so much together at our age that it doesn't really matter anymore. Is that stupid?" Jude genuinely didn't know the answer to his question.
"No I don't, but if you haven't already, I don't think you should until you're older. I mean...I kind of regret doing it so early myself." Marianna has never opened to Jude like this before, and she felt quite comfortable considering the circumstances. "I mean...now it's fine, but the first time...let's just say it wasn't like I hoped. It was emotionless. I...I just don't think you should jump into it because you think it's the next step. That's what I thought...and I almost got pregnant. Now shhh, I've never told moms this...but yeah. Just wait until it feels right. I love you." Marianna rubbed Jude's leg and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Jude smiled back, grateful his sister was so understanding.

---

Jude: Hey, you awake?
Connor: Now I am...you ok?
Jude: Not really, wish you were here...
Connor: Jude I can't come over tonight, my dad is cleaning the house
Jude: I am so needy right now
Connor: ?
Jude: Like horny af
Connor: What? 😍
Jude: Yeah...come over
Connor: Uhm...
Jude: Please...I'll make it worth your while
Connor: Fuck Jude...I'm leaving now! Lol

Jude's POV:
I'm scared. I want this, right now. But are we ready? I don't know. Who cares? I'm freaking out though. But you know what? This is a better feeling than being scared all the time. I'm sick of worrying. I just want to grow up. And oh my gosh, he'll probably be here in like...10 minutes. I need to brush my teeth. And clean up. And breathe. Yeah. Breathing would be nice. Good thing moms are out for the night tonight. I don't even know what to do, let alone what to think right now. I think I'm going to paint my nails. Blue. Maybe it'll help me calm down. Oh shit. And I think Connor is at the door now. Where did the 10 minutes go?

Connor was softly knocking at the front door, using their code of two knocks, pause, four knocks, pause, two knocks. Jude was frantically pacing the room, looking at himself one last time in his wall mirror before heading downstairs.

"Hey." Connor whispered. He closed the door behind him, getting as close to Jude as physics would allow. Their breaths were mingling amongst them, the gap consisting of mere centimeters. Connor was looking down, seemingly just as nervous as Jude was, and instantly noticed Jude's blue nails. Jude usually only painted them for traumatic events or for when he was nervous. "I like your nails babe." Connor looked back up at Jude's face, his nose slightly catching the bottom lip of Jude on the way up.
"Kiss me." Jude begged. And then Connor closed the gap, almost immediately, both boys kissing each other in the foyer. Jude sighed into the kiss, knowing this is what he wanted all along, giving Connor the split second to make his move and prod his tongue into Jude's mouth. They kept French-kissing for a few moments before Jude felt Connor up against his leg, and he knew that the time was coming up. He wasn't sure if he was more nervous or more excited, but either way he thought it was ready.

As soon as they got to Jude's room, the door was closed and shirts were on the floor. Connor was laying in bed, enjoying the sight of Jude doing all the work and kissing his neck.
"Are you sure about this?" Connor wasn't expecting this to happen as smoothly as it was.
"Yeah...I need you." Jude was sounding helpless, as if Connor leaving would crush his spirits.
"Yeah?" Connor suggested as Jude was pulling down Connor's gym shorts, exposing his boyfriend for him to enjoy.
"Yeah...now shut up." Jude insisted before he truly did shut Connor up.