Jonnor - A Tale of Self-Discovery and Friendship

Speak from Memory

As soon as Jude and Connor began kissing, Jude pulled away, leaving both boys confused. Connor was desperately searching for any remnant of memory in Jude's eyes, while Jude was just told Connor was his boyfriend, and he didn't necessarily dislike kissing him, but he wasn't so sure about all of this. He didn't feel anything at all. He watched Connor's eyes flash all over Jude's face, studying his every move until finally Jude said something.

"Connor?" Jude was trying to snap Connor back into the moment, sensing he was losing him in his gaze. But then he realized Connor was so in-tune that he answered his next question without even being asked.
"You don't remember. I can tell." Connor's voice was choking by the second. Jude felt pains in his stomach seeing this boy go through this, but Jude had no idea what to believe anymore. He was just told yesterday his "real" parents no longer were with him and he had two moms. Now he's also gay and has a boyfriend? He needed time to evaluate all of this and really try to remember.

"I'm sorry Connor..." Jude felt Connor's hands leave Jude's lap and before he knew it, Connor left his bed with the most defeated look his face could muster, and then as he reached the door, he turned around, unable to look directly at Jude.
"I'm never giving up on us, Jude. I love you too much." Connor's voice trailed at the end to where Jude really couldn't hear. But he heard the important part. Never give up on us? Obviously if a random boy his age can't give up on this memory, then he must not be lying. Right?

Over the next few days, Connor made sure to give Jude space. He definitely noticed him at school and with his presence back in action, he was getting his studies on track once again. He hoped Jude seeing their friends would be another kick-starter to more thoughts. Unfortunately, he couldn't be any more wrong. Jude couldn't remember anyone and it made it very difficult for him to get anything accomplished. His teachers were gracious and patient enough to not worry about Jude remembering their names or their tendencies, as long as he could still write. In fact, if anything, Jude's writing improved. He had written a lot of poetry for some reason recently, and as a friend, he showed Connor a few pieces. Connor absolutely loved the fact Jude was artistic: it was a quality he never thought he would ever possess. During English one day, he decided to bring up one of the pieces during a lecture when their teacher proposed the question "Name a piece you've read recently that caused you to think differently?". Connor immediately raised his hand, much to the liking of their teacher. Once asked, Connor mentioned how Jude's poem "He who once lived" inspired him to think of death differently and remember life is too short to not take risks. The teacher was now enthralled with said piece if it was able to inspire a classmate, so to Jude's dismay, he was volunteered to read the piece to fulfill the missing assignments he had while gone from his injury.

The day before Jude's presentation in English, Connor found Jude being bullied in the hallway. Jude was being ridiculed for wearing nail polish again, and Connor felt like it was déjà-vu all over again. This time, he wanted to make sure he stepped in. "Hey, what's going on here?" Connor pushed through the crowd, trying to pinpoint Jude.
"It looks like your boyfriend decided to wear blue again, the total fag," Connor was so infuriated with this comment that lunged forward to attach the boy, pushing him into the wall of lockers behind them, and shaking him violently. "Don't ever bother Jude again, you hear me? He didn't do anything to you!" Connor exploded, but then what happened next took him by surprise.
"Connor, stop it. You're not my boyfriend! I don't even know who you are!" Jude hated seeing any sorts of fights and after the incident, they just made him nervous. He fled the scene, leaving the entire crowd whispering to each other, starting rumors no doubt. Connor looked at the boy he still held onto, who was now making mocking kissing noises and teasing him with comments like "Wow, relationship not looking so hot after all" and "Looks like Connor can't score with girls or boys!". Connor now left the area as well, his knee bucking and about to collapse on the hard, cement floor. He didn't want to leave Jude alone as Jude would likely just forget about him entirely, but he also felt like maybe - even with the extra space being given - he was suffocating him. And then Connor was utterly confused.

The day finally arrived where Jude was expected to read his poem to his class, his teacher elated Jude somehow agreed to partake in public speaking. When Jude walked up to the front, he began speaking quite fluently, as if he had been practicing at home. Connor enjoyed hearing Jude's voice: puberty was beginning to wreak havoc on it, leaving it deeper and more pronounced and Connor really liked it. He just liked about anything when it came to Jude. Even the way he ate food, or held his toothbrush when brushing his teeth, or shampooed his hair in the shower. If Jude was a part of something, he wanted to be as well.

All of a sudden, Jude reached a part where some words were tricky to pronounce and the stress of having his classmates watch him so intently was causing him to spike a migraine - an unexplainable but also often occurrence after the incident. Then, Jude just lost the ability to speak altogether. Some of the kids in the back snickered, Jude felt like he had a bubble in his throat that needed to be popped, but his sight was becoming blurrier and blurrier and blurrier...until finally he had a huge burst of what felt like pure electricity fly through his body, and he was flying through his own mind in a portal showing him several moments in time. Things were still too blurry to focus in on, until he was witnessing his first time playing on a Quija board. Then when he was adopted. Those were his moms. Then he was playing spin the bottle. Then he was wrestling to the ground. There was Connor. And then he was kissing him. And then holding hands. Then kissing again, in the rain, smiling at each other, laughing all the while at their messed up hair. Then he heard Connor tell him "I love you". And finally, he heard himself say "I love you, Connor". The blissful moments were bursting into Jude's vision clearer than anything he's seen and then...he was back in front of the podium. The entire class was staring at him, except Connor, who stared at the floor. The teacher was encouraging him on with hand gestures, giving the look like he was about to get up to end the silence, until Jude spoke again, speaking right where he left off.

"And then when he touched me, my skin felt lit on fire, I was breathing in ashes that were suffocating me, yet they felt part of me and before I knew it, were etching themselves into my heart and soul, leaving a signature that said...that said..." Jude broke eye-contact with the sheet of paper in front of him, and then focused on the person who had been fighting for Jude since the day they met, a complete stranger the last two weeks, but was also unequivocally his boyfriend. "Connor Stevens." Jude said, waiting for Connor's response. Connor instantly reacted and he couldn't believe what he was hearing, his look one of disbelief and unsure whether to cry or smile. So he did both. Both boys couldn't look anywhere else except directly at one another, trying to take in each other's joy.
"Connor, I remember you now. I love you. You're my boyfriend and you're always there for me. I'm so sorry, I just needed time I guess." Jude was beginning to cry too, wiping his face quickly to try and cover up the inevitable in front of his classmates, which now were silent and completely letting this moment unfold naturally. No matter what the students believed was right or wrong, they could see what Jude and Connor had was beautiful and they didn't want to ruin this moment for them.