Toxic Fantasy | König

Nine

König's Perspective

It has been two full days since I have left Hannah and it is not getting easier. Two days is not enough time to get over this obviously, but the more time goes by the more broken I feel without her. I thought once I was away from her this would all go away. I thought she would leave my head and I would be able to regain some sense of normalcy in my life.

Clearly I underestimated my feelings for her. Now that she is not near me I feel like I can barely breathe, like someone is holding a pillow over my face and I am thrashing for that relief of a deep breath. That deep breath isn't coming. Two days I have been trying to take that deep breath, but no relief. My heart is fracturing in her absence and its only be two damn days.

I have not started the new assignment yet. They haven't even sent me over the paperwork to make the position official. I know the second I get that paperwork it will start to feel real and the sadness will become a deeper pit in my stomach.

I did not tell Hannah I was leaving because I could not stand to see the look on her face. I knew if I looked at her while trying to make this decision, I would have ended up staying. I know the second those emerald green eyes meet mine that I am a goner. I know she probably hates me for making this decision, but it is for the best. She deserves to have a normal life and find happiness and she would not find it while I am hanging around her.

She needs to meet men her own age without me standing in the background seething in jealousy. I just want her to be happy and I know she will never be happy with me. I also know that I cannot have her, so being around her is so much more difficult. I have to protect both of our hearts. I know deep down that she will understand one day and maybe forgive me.

I had a feeling the first few days of me leaving would be the hardest and that is why I turned off the phone her father bought me. I couldn't handle the idea of seeing her texting and calling me because I am not strong enough to resist and I would have come running the second I heard sadness in her voice. I tried to give her father the phone back when I told him I was being transferred, but he wouldn't accept it. He told me it is paid for and handled and it is time to immerse myself in the 21st century.

Having that phone sitting on the nightstand by the bed is such a damn temptation and stark reminder of what I left behind. I have to constantly stop myself from reaching over and turning it on. Maybe once my job transfer is official I can turn it on, but I know right now I have the chance to go running back to her and that is something I cannot afford to do.

I pace around the hotel room I decided to live out of until I find a new place. When I moved into the Briggs's place, I didn't resign my lease, so as of right now I am technically homeless. As I pace around the room, I have this unsettling feeling that grows throughout my gut. Something is wrong and I can feel it. I just cannot tell if something is actually going on or if it is because I am away from Hannah.

I keep looking over the the iPhone laying face down on the nightstand. I start to break out into a cold sweat and my hand is itching to reach for it. This uneasy feeling is only getting worse and I know I will hate myself forever if there really is something wrong and I wasn't there to help.

"Fuck it" I murmur as I saunter over to the phone and pick it up. I turn it on and wait for the home screen to appear.

The screen lights up and my chest immediately tightens at the sight. Hannah stole my phone and few months back and took a picture of herself and made it my Home Screen. I stare at her bright smile for a moment. Her rosy lips frame her perfect white teeth and two dimples show on each cheek adding a sense of innocence to her smile. That smile takes my breath away.