Toxic Fantasy | König

Ten

Hannah's Perspective

I look up at the night sky trying to get a glimpse of stars. I hate light pollution, damn this city. I am trying to keep my focus on anything but the large man looming behind me. The same man who abandoned me after he promised he would be there for me. The man that left without a word, without a reason. The man who took my heart with him when he walked away.

I see the lights of a plane flashing in the sky and stay focused on that. I let out a deep breath and notice how my breath creates a billow of fog around me. My body has been numb as adrenaline pumped through my veins, but it is wearing off now and I am left in the cold in a short dress and a thin blanket draped over my shoulders. I tighten the blanket around me and try to hide the shiver that crawls up my body.

I know I am not shivering because I am cold, I can handle the cold, I am shivering because I am acutely aware of König taking small steps closer to me.

When I first saw him enter the club, I thought it was like some kind of drunk/depressed hallucination. It didn't become real until he grabbed me by the shoulders to steal my attention. I hate to admire because I am fucking furious with him, but it felt so nice to feel his touch again. The two days he was gone were pure hell for me. I thought I felt alone before, but I never felt more alone than I did in those two days. Now he is here again and I don't know how I feel.

Deep down, I mean really deep down, I feel a little bit giddy to have him back, but like I said that is way deep down. A very small part of me. A majority of me is hurt and equal parts pissed. Why would he make a promise to stay by my side and then just leave? I feel like such a fucking idiot. I was ready to tell him how I felt about him. I was stupid enough to think he felt the same way. Clearly I mean nothing to him because he was able to leave without even looking back to say goodbye.

I heard him say to Aaron that my life was the most important thing and I cannot deny that it made me smile a bit, but that smile quickly faded. If my life is so important, why leave in the first place? He probably just saw my life as a paycheck. He keeps me alive, he cashes in the big bucks. I know how much my bodyguards make because I tried to buy them out in college just to learn that I would drain my trust fund doing so. My bodyguards get paid handsomely, that is the only reason why König wanted this job back. He just didn't want to admit that in front of my parents. He didn't want to admit that he didn't want to take the pay cut from his new job and he found a way to weasel his way back into my house, but I am not letting him weasel his way back into my heart.

He hurt me. He more than hurt me, he took my heart and shattered it to pieces. I cannot let this man hurt me again. I trusted him and let him in, and that is my own fault, but now I have to protect myself. At the end of the day, he is just like everyone else in my life. He doesn't care. To him, I am a second choice. I am always the second choice and the sooner I accept that I will never be picked first, the sooner I can come to terms with how my life will pan out.

"Hannah" König speaks softly behind me.

I am too scared to turn around, too scared to take my eyes off the sky and look into his bright blue eyes. His eyes are my weakness and I know I will break if I look into them. Those eyes have always brought me comfort and reassurance, but I know that feeling is false. I have no person that I can call my person, the person that will always be there for me when I needed them.

"Thanks for getting me out of the club tonight" I respond in a cold voice. I am trying to distance myself from him and the events that happened tonight. It is all still a blur really. I remember the police officer saying it was just a misunderstanding and it was really some law enforcement dude trying to hit on me, but I couldn't help but think of all those threats my parents have gotten and thinking it was finally going to happen. My reckless behavior was finally catching up to me.