Don't Catch Me!

Chapter 32 - The Truth Hurts

OK you have to listen to this music - I swear it could have been written for this story! 

Shawn Hlookoff - She Could Be You-  it's so haunting and beautiful!

Thanks @fishfreak for suggesting it!

Chapter 32 - The Truth Hurts

Joel looked uncomfortable.  He stood with his back to the closed door and looked at me like he didn’t know what I was going to do.

“I suppose asking for you to forgive me would be pointless.”  He mumbled, “I am sorry Cissy.  Please believe me when I tell you that I was going to tell you everything?”

I dropped to the bed with a sign.  “I know that you were Joel.  That was just a lot to take in. Come here,” I patted the bed next to me and smiled at him.  With him sitting next to me I took his face in my hands and gently ran my fingers back and forth over the stubble on his jaw.

“I love you Joel and there is nothing to forgive.”  I smiled into his expression and continued, “When you told me about her, I was jealous.  I thought you only wanted me as a substitute for her.  But now I know that I was wrong.   You love me for me.   I can see it in your eyes.” 

The words were hardly out of my mouth and he was kissing me.  His hands pulled me closer to him and we fell backwards onto the bed.  His hand ran down my side and thigh to grip my knee.  He hooked my leg over his hip and rolled me onto my back. Even through the layers of jeans I could feel him as our hips rolled against each other.  His hands were back inside my shirt caressing my skin as they moved the fabric upwards. 

I groaned in frustration.  It was very clear where this was heading and I knew what I had to do.  I unknotted my hand from the tight hold I had on his hair and brought the other back from where it was edging towards the waistband of his jeans, I forced them to his stubble lined jaw.  Then I gently eased his face from mine, breaking our kiss.

“Joel, as much as I want to do this with you,” I smiled into his confused and hurt expression.  “We need to talk first.  I want to have no secrets with you Joel.  No matter how painful I need to know it all.”

He groaned with similar frustration before he dropped to my side, “Yeah, I know, it’s just that you drive me a little crazy, but you are right.” He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at me with his eyebrows knitted together, “Are you sure you are ready?”

I rolled to face him and wrapped his arm around me, “Now I am.”

His fingers began tracing patterns on my back as he started to talk.

“She moved here at the start of summer.” He looked at me carefully, “In a lot of respects she was even more innocent than you are now.”

“Thanks,” I smiled and rolled my eyes at him. “So they moved in next door to you?”

“Yeah, all my friends were away that summer and we just clicked.  I wasn’t outgoing, too busy hiding in my books, so I had never had a girlfriend or hung around with girls before.  This was a first for me.  We spent almost every day together, swimming, on our bikes, or just hanging around.  It was the best summer of my life.”

I watched him squirm slightly.  I knew that I had to be strong.  He was going to be talking about his love for another and there was nothing I could do about it but be patient and understanding, no matter how much it hurt inside.

“She was her father’s girl and she was completely unaware of the effect she had on me.  It was only in the last week  before school went back that I found the courage to kiss her.  She was surprised but she kissed me back.  Then our relationship changed.  We found ways of being alone and we spent our time kissing.  Now I look back on it she changed in that week.  She became more confident.”