Zustin - Tightrope

Only dick for me

It's been twelve days into the new year.

January twelfth.

Zayn's birthday. His first birthday we were supposed to spend as an actual couple, last year we acted like a couple, but it was before he told me he felt the same as I did.

And this year, I had so much planned, I had so much to give. But now everything is just stuffed in a closet and won't ever be taken out again, just stuffed in there with all my broke pieces of my heart. None of it will ever be used again. It's all only for him.

Twelve days into the new year and even though my heart is still broken I have managed to start living again. I work, I eat and I can finally shower without breaking apart thinking of all the times we were in there together, most of the times.

I bought a new bed, not being able to get scent of him away and it held me up crying every night. But now the lack of his scent, and the fact that his scent will never ever enter this bed, holds me up crying instead.

I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, my heart pounding in my chest. The thought of going on a date with Anthony feels both exiting and terrifying. It's my first date ever, and the shadow of Zayn still haunts me in the back of my head. I can't help but feel like I'm betraying him, even though he is the one who left me. The nerves twists in my stomach, making it hard to breathe.

Mia and Will are here, as always they are my anchors. They bustle around in my apartment helping me get ready for the evening.

"Justin you look like you're about to face a firing squad." Will says jokingly. "It's just a date, Anthony is a great guy, you got this."

I nod, trying to smile. "I just, I, like, it feels like I'm leading him on. I'm not over Zayn, is it really fair to Anthony?" I ask, really not knowing the answer.

Mia sits down besides me in bed, taking my hand. "Baby you're not leading him on. You're giving yourself a chance to move on. Anthony knows that you're going through a heartbreak. Just be honest with him if you feel like you want to talk about it. This is about you taking a step forward."

Will chimes in. "Besides, you deserve some fucking happiness Jay, it's time. You have finally started being able to eat and work again. Anthony has liked you for a long time, he will be understanding."

I take a deep breath. "I don't even know what happens on a date, like what the heck am I supposed to do?"

Mia laughs gently. "Just be yourself, you're the best person there is and you never run out of things to talk about. He likes it, he likes you. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

"Should I ask to suck his nippies? Maybe that is a good conversation starter, I'm not sure I want to though. Oh no, now I got horny thinking about Zayn's nipples. They get so perky." I say laughing, and I really really miss it, and him.

"Yes you should ask and you should suck them, they're probably better than Zayn's. And you should fuck him, that's the best way to get over someone." Mia looks overly optimistic.

"You mean let Anthony fuck Justin, in what world would Justin fuck anyone." Will says laughing.

"That's homophobic Wonka." I say smilingly.

They help me chose an outfit, they hype me up and I do feel like maybe I can handle this. I feel like I do need to try at least.