Zustin - Tightrope

Spiderman

We get to the party, already a little tipsy from our pre-game at Gabriella's house. I get greeted by so many of my friends that I have missed immensely, my eyes start filling up with tears.

Everything feels like a wave of nostalgia hitting me, all these faces, voices, even the smell. Everything is just so right, I'm home, these people are my home.

The drinks are flowing freely, and laughter is echoing through the apartment. Someone suggests a drinking game, and I get way too drunk, way too fast. I feel myself finally being able to let go of my thoughts of Zayn and our fights, all fights we've had recently, instead I just focus on this, because good this feels so good and so safe.

We get up on the floor to dance, and it quickly turns into me dancing on top of the table singing on the top of my lungs. I really can't remember the last time I was this happy. I really miss this, I can't believe I used to have it like this all the time, with my own friends, not Zayn's.

But then amidst the joyful chaos, Zayn's voice fills the room. Someone puts on pillow talk and I completely freeze. The room falls silent, all eyes on me. I can feel all their gazes, heavy with unspoken questions and sympathy.

For a moment I just stand still, my mind torn between how angry I actually am at him, how sad he makes me, and how much I love him, more than I ever will be able to love someone else.

"Fuck it." I say to myself, I let the music and his beautiful voice wash over me, it's a bittersweet reminder of his absence. I down what's left of my cup and again start singing out, loud enough to cover the voice of my boyfriend. My friends joins in again, and soon the room is alive once more. I see Mia standing in the corner of the room, I have no idea when she left my side. She shows me with her body language that she wants me to come down, she want to talk, and I know it's the same conversation we've had so many times before. Most recently just 3 hours ago.

I get down from the table, and I follow her into a quieter corner of the kitchen. She hands me a glass of water, knowing I really need it amongst all the alcohol.

She takes a deep breath. "I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand seeing you like this, as soon as Zayn's name is mentioned, or his music plays you freeze. It's like his name hurts you, and I get that it does. Or fuck Justin, if you feel your phone buzz, you look terrified baby. You look like you're scared of whatever it is he has to say this time, it's like you're walking on eggshells when it comes to him. It's like you really are scared of him. It freaks me out, I'm scared maybe you're not telling me everything, I'm scared that he has or will psychically hurt you someday." She says without pausing.

"Mia, it's not like that. Not at all. That's too much, we both know he would never hurt me. Don't ever say that again, he would never ever do that." I answer her, and if there is something in this world I am sure of, it's the fact that he would never hurt me like that. He doesn't even like it in bed, I have to keep reassuring him I'm alright.

"After everytime he hurts you emotionally, you say he will never do it again, what's the difference? If he can break that promise time after time, what's stopping him for actually hurting you?"

"A lot of things, don't say that. Stop saying anything like that ever again." I say firmly, hating how those words sounds coming out from my best friends mouth.

"Fuck okay, I'm sorry Justin. I just think you deserve so much better, someone who cares enough to not hurt you."

"It's complicated Mia." I sigh.

"Complicated?" She asks, a weird expression takes place on her face. "Complicated? It's absolutely not, he's manipulating you and you are too good to see that. You're too kind, too forgiving. He's not good for you."