Whiplash | jjk.

[29]: Not Yet

Jungkook could barely keep up with what was happening.

He had moved both hands to rest on your shoulders, holding you back just enough so that the situation wouldn't escalate anymore.

But at the same time, he was absolutely relishing in the feeling.

His head rolls back to lean on the headrest behind him, as his body melts and turns to hot clay at the chaotic simplicity of your touch.

What had ignited between you was starving hungry, and it was foreign. It was hard to understand. It was white-hot and knew no rules. Had no shame. It was burning and every sound, or smell, or taste that either of you shared, was only adding more fuel to the fire. 

So much passion. It came so naturally.

"Darling, we can't," he breathes out, not at all wanting to stop you, but he knew that he had to. He didn't want you to get anymore worked up.

"But I want to," your voice is soft and airy and fleeting, as if on auto-pilot. Not quite you.

"Not yet." Jungkook affirms. "Not like this."

"What do you mean?" you try to keep kissing his neck, knowing enough of that was surely going to convince him. But he gently guides you away, enforcing a gap between you.

"If this is going to happen, I want it to be when we're both in our right minds."

"I've never felt more right," you grin, unable to keep your eyes still. "Don't joke around~"

"Y/N." Jungkook's eyes sharpen. "I'd never joke about consent."

As he is holding you back, he is taking caution in accessing your face. Trying to figure out what your brain is doing, if there is any you left inside.

But your eyes had darkened so much he could barely make out your pupils anymore. And still, it wasn't the kind of darkness he remembers from your training days.

The days when your gaze had gradually gotten darker day by day as you had to endure his torment. He could physically see over time the toll that all the bullying was taking, though you never once gave him the satisfaction of a victory. You always prevailed. He perfectly remembers the feeling of guilt that rested behind his defiant ego, that refused to embrace humanity.

He remembered how you'd carry yourself inside quietly, and try oh so hard to avoid meeting his eyes, but would always end up finding him like a moth to a flame.

He remembered how big and dark and dangerous your eye-bags became after all those months. How you didn't ever seem to be eating right, and continued to push your body past it's limits. How he had to ignore how worried he was, just to spare his reputation as the brute that he had built himself up to be.

He remembered how you were just trying your best.

How you never dared to give up. You never even thought of it.

He can't believe you're the same person.

And he's not.

Jungkook was scared that he would never be able to forget how he acted towards you, though he wanted to remember. His past haunts him in the same breath that it ignites him. He is ashamed, far too ashamed to apologise. He can't bear the thought of bringing attention to how cruel he had been.

Sometimes, Jungkook lies awake at night, staring at the ceiling and thinking of the casualties he'd caused in you. He felt guilty about regretting it, even. Because who the hell was he to wallow in self-pity while you were out there still charging like a train full of fuel?

There was one time, when he had sparred with you in the ring, that Jungkook had hit you hard enough to take down a full grown man. And he intended to injure you. Greatly.

And what did you do?

You got up and hit him right back.

He thought of that particular day much more often than he'd like to admit.

And sure, there were still fragments of his mind that Jungkook had struggled to get rid of. Ugly parts of him that, like all humans, make mistakes. Act on unreliable emotions. Scratch like a cornered cat. He still has his bad days, bad moments, bad thoughts. He still has an ego to squash.

Jungkook had not just simply woken up a new man once he discovered that you were a woman, because what he felt for you started showing up long before then. Jungkook wasn't perfect.

But things were surely changing. And he was grateful for that.

He would never forget the look in your eyes from back then. The darkness. The suffering. The loneliness. The innocence on your face that he was trying to wipe clean. You were just a girl that had a goal she was chasing, just like he did. He remembered the awe in your eyes that he had failed to beat out of you, no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't break you. He couldn't believe he ever even wanted to. It had all been burned into his mind; he'd never forget.

And the memory of all of that is exactly how he knows that your eyes aren't just tired dark, now.

They're damn near lifeless.

"Y/N?" he gives your shoulders a shake.

No response.

That exact moment, when he is a second away from screaming, that was when he spots the others running towards the car.

He was relieved to see a little urgency in their feet.

"HYUNG!"

Jungkook's eyes gloss over as he holds you upright, looking at a sprinting Hoseok through the window.

"HELP!"

Hoseok had never seen Jungkook look this scared. Frankly, he never wanted to see it again.

Hoseok clenches his jaw and rips opens the passenger door, maintaining his calm on the outside while he helps Jungoook guide you back onto your seat. Your body has gone dangerously limp in their arms.

"Hyung!" Jungkook cries in a panic. His voice is completely broken yet it manages to break more.

"It's okay, Kookie. Give me a sec," he leans your head back, tilting your chin up a little. Hoseok knew what he was doing. He did a fantastic job of staying calm.

But he knew he had to act fast.

Taehyung and Jimin are behind him, skiddish and nervous. They look at each other and they mirror one-another's concern.

"How did that happen?" Taehyung asks Jungkook, looking far beyond worried.

"The- the drinks," Jungkook mumbles, staring at your face. He didn't dare look anywhere else. Your eyes had fallen closed. His were pinged right open.

Hoseok turns and opens the glovebox near your knees, digging around with a certain type of haste. He flips things around until he finds a small white device.

"What's that?" Jungkook's mouth is open like a sad baby. He watches Hoseok turn and bring the device up to your face.

"Narcan." Hoseok says clearly, clenching his teeth to regulate his adrenaline. "Nasal spray."

Hoseok administers the dose of nasal spray and holds your head upright for a few seconds. Everybody else is silent. They don't think they remember how to talk.

"It's for opioid overdoses." Hoseok says, waiting for you to respond. "It should work in about...now."

And, just at that moment, your eyes shoot open and you sit forward in your seat. Hoseok anticipated that, so he caught you by both shoulders and held you firmly.

"Y/N! Are you okay?"

"Huh?" you turn to look at Jungkook.

Why does he look so terrified?

"Yeah, i'm fine." you say breathlessly, though you're not sure how you're able to speak. "What...what's going on?"

Overwhelmed by his emotions and adrenaline, Jungkook drops his head forward and lets out an enormous sigh of relief.

"Phew."