Mha x Dazai reader

Thoughts and actions

She didn't feel anything... she was just so very hungry.

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After that eventful day, Chuuya informed (Name) about Mori's request to be brought back to the Port Mafia. Which the response was, "Nuh uh, Mori can go slit his throat, or better, let me do it for him."

Some more bickering later and Chuuya left (Name) to her antics, not promising her safety from the Port Mafia of-course. But this got (Name) wondering.. how did Mori find out where she was? And then it hit her immediately, how did that blue haired rat know her mafia nickname?

"Wow...Mori can't stope lower can he?" She says to herself. She goes to sit down by her window and opens it to smoke a cigarettes, a habit both from stress and from the obsession of destroying herself from the inside. "If that stupid villain utters a word about this next time.. I might be fucked. I'm lucky no one heard us at the USJ." (Name) can admit that the situation was less than ideal, but there wasn't much she could do. She just had to sit back and watch it all play out. "Knowing Mori, he won't give up easy on getting me back."

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Today back in UA it has been decided that the sports festival will continue as planned. A lot of students were less than pleased, but the school insisted it was a way to show villains that they weren't fazed by their little attack.

(Name) kept to herself that day. She didn't feel like interacting much. Which her classmates took note of. She was mostly thinking about a good way to get Mori off her back, take care of the problem which was Shigiraki, or of course how to end her life as quickly as possible. Her thoughts were interrupted by the bell

"So Dazai.. do you want to come sit with us?" Ochako came up to ask her the question. (Name) smiled, even if she wasn't pleased at this she needed allies.

"Sure!" Next thing she knows she's sitting at a lunch table with Midoryia, Iida, Todoroki and Ochako. A...surprising group to say the least.

"So Dazai, why do you want to be a hero?" Todoroki asked, since everyone else answered already.

"Oh well, I just want to carry out a promise I made to a friend." They look at her with interest.

"A promise? To who?" Ochako asked

"An old friend, he passed away a while ago, he wanted me to help people. So that's hey I'm here!" (Name)'s smile was the fakest it's ever been at this moment. She may look all bubbly and kind, but she wasn't. Interacting with people was the last thing she wanted right now. Recently with all the trouble she's been pushing herself to not just join Oda in the after life instead. She's close to breaking.

"Oh...I'm sorry for your loss." Midoryia's face showed he was sorry for even starting the conversation about why they wanted to be hero's.

"It's okay, it wasn't your fault, was it?" (Name) acts unaffected, but under the table she was scratching at her healing arm.

As the conversation drawers on to the sport festival, she found herself getting lost in her own thoughts more often. She didn't want to take part in the sports festival, she knows she would win anyways. Quirks wouldn't work on her, and her combat skill is more advanced than the other students since she needed it to survive for so long. The whole thing would be boring. She didn't know how she could get out of it, maybe she should try again.... If she succeeds, then her wish would come true, and if she doesn't, she'll be injured and won't be able to participate. Either way it would be a win win.

'Yeah... I'll do that.'
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Everyone was walking home, some were skipping, some were even running. (Name) looked around at the students. They were all smiling. All so happy. What did they see that she didn't? She's smarter, she saw what others didn't, knows things about this world others don't. So how could she not have a reason to live, but these low lives did. Why couldn't she be happy....

Oh

Right

Because she wasn't human. She was simply a monster. A demon, a killer, murderer. She want human.

She walked through the crowd of people with her head down. Why would anyone care if she died anyways? 'Oda would..' but he wasn't here, not anymore. There was nothing stopping her. Nothing at all.

She set her bag down beside the railing of the bridge she's been eyeing for some time now. She leans on it and looks down at the murky water. Water that was clear before, water that was dirtied by the world's filth. By human filth. Just like her.

She moved to sit on the railing now. She looked up at the sky and took in a deep breath. And then she fell. She heard a few people gasp at her action. Some shouted to jump after her, some shouted to call for help.

(Name) didn't care for those voices. As she floated under the water, being dragged by the current. She felt at peace. She wondered if this was how happiness felt like. Being hugged from all sides by warmth. But the water wasn't warm, it was cold. Maybe this was what environment felt like instead? She doesn't know. And she won't know. Because monsters don't have feelings. They don't feel anything at all. And she was accustomed to that. She didn't feel anything... she was just so very angry hungry.

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This chapter was one that was in the works before I left, so I just continued it from where it was left 🙃
I don't know why I decided on depression today but I did, so have fun with that🤩
I will try and post once a week, but I am in my last year of school now so exams are getting stressful😓