Ellie Williams x F!Reader

Thirty-Five

Confused, Ellie eyed you.

"You're not scared, are you?", she asked with a smirk.

It was more of a tease than a reproach. She was just joking, not taking the panic in your eyes too literal.

But you were quite literally at the verge of screaming your lungs out, begging her to stay together. It was a miracle how you managed to hide the tremble of your hands, the shimmer of tears that started to grow in your (E/C) eyes.

No, this wasn't you. It was a little girl who had been too stupid to listen. And she had paid dearly for it.

Yes, that was it. Just bad memories.

And yet, you couldn't help but let out a trembling breath as you swallowed hard to answer her.

"I... This is stupid.", it was all you could say before you had to take another deep breath to fight the wave of panic down. "We're safer together. What if one of us encounters an infected?"

Her eyes moved out of the windows. The sunlight got caught in them and made the green shimmer in a kind of poisonous way.

For only a second she looked at the chemical burn on her arm.

But there was also something else. Something dark and thoughtful that made her hesitate, reconsider. As her gaze returned to you, you could have sworn she wanted to say something.

Her lips parted and a slight breath escaped, a start that was needed to go through with what she had put her mind to.

But Ellie decided against it. The eye contact between the two of you faltered, she blinked a few times before she had to avery her gaze.

There was something on her face, embarrassment or disappointment, it was hard to tell. And also something else that grew in her eyes.

Shame.

Confused, you frowned, tilted your head to try and look her in the eyes once more.

But instead of the usual warmth that always melted the green of her eyes when you looked at her Ellie just turned away and let out a deep sigh.

"Yeah... I...", she sucked in a sharp breath, massaged the bridge of her nose with two fingers. "It'll be fine."

Protecting, you shook your head. Secretly you hoped that it wasn't too obvious but there was so much fear that crawled up your throat, tied it.

"Ellie...I...", your hand flinched, tried to reach out but stopped as you noticed how she actively kept avoiding eye contact. "Never mind... I just... don't want to take unnecessary risks."

She let out a snort but it was different than before. Not as warm and amused but rather distant. It was more of a sound than an emotion.

All of a sudden you could feel how a rift opened up between the two of you once more. Ellie drifted away from you, kept a secret.

Over the last weeks you hadn't pressured her to open up about anything. Everything you knew about her past she had shared on her own accord.

And everything she knew about you was because you had told her on your own. You had wanted her to know more about you.

Because deep down you knew that was how friends were made. Even though friends did not feel like the appropriate title of whatever it was that went on between the two of you.

It felt like so much more and so much less.

Realisation struck and tied your throat. The beating of your heart was so calm that it almost scared you. Boiling panic turned into a cold, bottomless pit.

And you stood right at the edge.

The only question was: would you throw Ellie a lifeline to save you or would you fall?

Swallowing hard, you pushed down the little voice of doubt that ate away at the back of your brain and let your eyes fall shut to take a deep breath.

All of a sudden your entire body felt so heavy.

"Ellie.", her name was like a plea for help. "I... don't want to go alone. The last time I did that... I- I killed my mom."

It burned.

It burned worse than hellfire. The sensation chased through your body, squeezed your heart and made you feel like you were about to have a stroke on the spot.

Your breathing hitched and the next breath hurt as if thousands of needles struck your lungs. Your head was spinning and your feet felt wobbly.

All you could do was hold onto the baseball bat in your hands. Your fingers clutched it with such force that the nails left some small marks in the blood stained wood.

Ellie just stared at you. Her eyes trembled. Lips moved and suddenly she frowned. It wasn't confusion nor anger on her face.

Just a thought that made her wonder. A question burned in her eyes. You knew what she wanted to ask. But you couldn't answer it.

Not right now. Not in this moment.

So all you managed to do was slightly shake your head in a sorry manner.

She blinked. Then her face relaxed and she did a gesture with her head to point to the end of the hallway.

"We should check the entrance hall again.", she said and hit moving, taking the lead this time.

Not a single question crossed her lips. She did not look at you in a kind of way that silently demanded an explanation. She didn't act like she was entitled to more details of the story.

All she did was understand that you were frightened to be alone, frightened that what happened to your mother could repeat.

Either to you or to Ellie.

It didn't really matter. In the end you didn't want to die nor did you want to loose Ellie. She had turned into some sort of an anchor, a save place in a world that didn't allow people to be save.

Even though you hated to admit it, and probably would never tell her, she had grown on you so much that you needed her to stay afloat.

After so many years of darkness and guilt Ellie had torn a hole into the wall and now there was sunlight again.

You couldn't loose that. It would leave you with nothing at all.