A Person I'd Call My Liberty| Fyolai|

✮⋆˙To Stay Without Permission✮⋆˙

warning: religious mentions/beliefs

"But you saved me from that cold loneliness.. You.. A person I'd call my liberty." 

Fyodor was taken aback by Nikolai's words, which filled him with both tenderness and shock. He'd never considered himself to be anyone's "liberty" before, and the idea that he had saved the boy from misery warmed his heart.However, his shock overshadowed his tenderness as he looked at Nikolai. "You think I'm your liberty? I mean, shouldn't that place be saved for god? " he asked in disbelief.

"God doesn't exist," Nikolai said quietly, his voice laced with bitterness and sadness. "If he did, he wouldn't have let my parents treat me the way they did. He wouldn't even have let me end up on the streets in the first place." Fyodor was taken aback by the bleakness of Nikolai's outlook. He didn't want to argue about religion, but it pained him to think that the boy could harbor such resentment towards his creator. But he understood where the bitterness came from, and he didn't blame the boy for feeling the way he did. He just hoped he'd learn to overcome his past and find something that could bring him peace. "Are you religious?" Nikolai asked, his tone of curiosity replacing the bitterness of his earlier response.

"Yeah, I guess you could say I am," Fyodor said, a small smile forming on his lips as he thought back to his childhood and the belief systems that his father had instilled in him."I'm Christian," he added, feeling a bit awkward after sharing so openly about himself. "A Christian, huh?" Nikolai said, his voice thoughtful as he considered the word. "So you're one of those people who go to church and pray and stuff?"  "That's right," Fyodor said with a small nod. "I go to church every Sunday, and I try to remember to pray on my own when I can. I believe in God and all that goes along with the religion." "But aren't you just basically worshipping the priests at the church, not the god? I mean, you do as he asks, pray when he says, believe in what the priest says... It seems more like the priest is the one who carries the religion, not the god you believe in." Nikolai said bluntly, not thinking how.. offensive it could of sounded.

Fyodor's smile faded slightly as he felt his beliefs scrutinized. He'd never had to justify his religion before, and he felt a bit surprised by the way Nikolai was challenging his faith. However, the boy's views on religion fascinated him, and he found himself agreeing with some of the things he was saying. "You have a point," he admitted. "The Bible does say that we should worship God and not the priest, but sometimes it feels like the priest ends up leading the religion anyway." "From my view, it sounds like those priests make god up and tell you what to think and say ─ like a religious cult!" Fyodor didn't disagree with Nikolai's comparison. He'd often thought that the way religion was preached in certain sects did resemble more of a cult than a belief system.However, hearing someone else speak out about it made him feel a bit uncomfortable, as if he were a part of something shameful.

He tried to push away those feelings of guilt and embarrassment by rationalizing that this kind of conversation wasn't meant to happen. "You know, when I'm in church, I feel like I can hear god speaking to me," Fyodor said, hoping to move the conversation along. "Really?" Nikolai asked, his tone becoming somewhat skeptical. "You think you can actually hear god?" "Well, not in a literal sense," Fyodor amended. "But I can hear him talking to me through my thoughts. I can feel him comforting me and giving me guidance." "Maybe you're just a bit delulu." The white haired boy teased, giving him a playful grin. Fyodor rolled his eyes at Nikolai's playful teasing. "I am not delusional," he said, faking annoyance but unable to contain the smile that was slowly spreading across his face.

"Really? Because it sounds like you're hearing voices in your head." Nikolai said playfully, the teasing grin still on his face. Fyodor rolled his eyes again, finding Nikolai's sense of humor amusing. "It's not just hearing voices," he explained. "It's more like ... a feeling I get when he's talking to me." "Sure.. and does he tell you to hate the gays and stuff like all christian people do?" Nikolai inquired, his tone a mix of teasing and inquiry. Fyodor felt his smile falter slightly at the question. Though he'd never admitted it to anyone, it was true that he'd often struggled with some of the more controversial teachings of Christianity. However, he wasn't about to have Nikolai assume that he was homophobic due to his religious beliefs, so he tried to clarify his perspective. "I don't hate anyone," Fyodor said solemnly. "I... I just believe that certain things are sinful. I still believe that people deserve respect and dignity no matter who they are or how they live."