A Person I'd Call My Liberty| Fyolai|

⛧Memories Bring No Joy Or Peace⛧

WARNING: mentions of alcohol use, bad parenting, flirtation.
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 "Nikolai, are you alright?"

Nikolai didn't move in the slightest, not as much as a twitch or a slight nod. He was just keeping quiet for now... as if he was too nervous to even speak a word. Fyodor started to feel a growing sense of discomfort as he continued to try and get Nikolai's attention. "You're still... nervous," Fyodor started, trying to keep his tone calm, "You can talk to me... what is it? Are you..." "I.. I'm fine..." Nikolai finally spoke up... though his tone of voice didn't sound like he was. Fyodor looked over at the boy, his look turning into one of concern once more. "You don't sound like you're fine..." he spoke up, this time getting a little bit closer to the boy, "So why don't you tell me what's wrong?" Nikolai stayed silent, as if he didn't want to speak. But Fyodor could see that the boy was starting to look even more uncomfortable than before. He started to look around, as if he wanted to get up and just leave... but Fyodor didn't let him. "Please... just tell me what the problem is," Fyodor spoke up again, gently placing one of his hands on the boy's shoulder this time, which caused the boy to flinch slightly. "I... I don't really want to talk about it, Fyodor..." Nikolai finally spoke up again... and Fyodor could hear the clear nervousness in the boy's tone. But... Fyodor felt like he was the only one who could talk to the boy at the moment... he had to get Nikolai to feel comfortable enough to talk. "Just tell me... it's me after all, right?" he spoke up again, still keeping that same concerned and soft tone. Nikolai still stayed silent for a moment, letting out that same small sigh... before eventually, he turned his head, looking up at Fyodor. He let out a small sigh once more, before speaking up again. "Alright... fine... I'll talk to you about it," he spoke, his tone still sounding nervous, but at least he was willing to talk about it.

"It was about some.. memories." Nikolai started, sighing.  "Memories?" Fyodor spoke up again, being sure to keep his voice soft. Memories would be related to his past... which Fyodor couldn't even begin to imagine just how bad he had gone through. "What... what kind of memories?" he spoke up again. "Memories... about my mother..." Nikolai spoke up, his tone slightly shifting as he spoke. That was enough to get Fyodor to stiffen up, as he had not expected that his crush would respond with something like that. Fyodor let out a small sigh, now his tone shifting to a more sympathetic one. "Your mother?" Fyodor repeated, his tone shifting into one that sounded slightly concerned. He hadn't expected a response that had anything to do with the boy's mother, and now he felt a growing sense of worry for the boy. "She wasn't the best person, no, not at all. A cruel woman she was. Always drinking, bringing strange and disgusting men over to the house, blaming me when one of those men broke it off with her..." Nikolai quickly trailed off, his  voice getting quieter with each breath. "Oh... oh goodness," Fyodor started, his voice shifting to one of sorrow and sadness... he couldn't think of anything worse to have in a childhood. He could only imagine how hard it would've been for Nikolai during that time. "But... but that's over now... you don't have to think about that all the time, right?" he added. "I... I can't stop it," Nikolai spoke up again after a moment, "Those memories keep coming back whenever I don't want them to... and they get worse, each time..." he added, his tone becoming even quieter.

Fyodor looked over at the boy in shock, because he was not expecting things to be this serious.His concern seemed to have become even more intense, which was quite impressive. "What... what do you mean, they get worse?" he spoke up again, his voice shifting from concern to a mix of it, alongside confusion and curiosity. worse..." he continued, "They're just... more real... and I can't stop them," he added. Fyodor's concern was becoming more and more intense now. He was suddenly worried about just how bad the nightmares were... and he could only imagine just how vivid they got. "I... I can't go back to sleep whenever I wake up, because I'm too scared to dream again," Nikolai explained further, "The nightmares just get too strong... I can't even see the difference between reality and what's a nightmare anymore." "... So you're basically telling me that your sleep is constantly being interrupted by these extremely vivid nightmares that you literally can't get away from?" Fyodor asked, wanting to make sure that he understood exactly what the boy was going through. "Yes, basically," Nikolai said, after a moment, "I... I'm basically always too scared to fall back asleep... because I'm always too scared to go back to those nightmares." "Wow..." Fyodor spoke up again, "Just how bad are these nightmares... what do they even entail?"  "They usually involve things... that were related to what my... my mother put me through," Nikolai spoke up, a bitter taste in his voice. "They... they can be so vivid sometimes... that I almost feel like I can recall every single detail of it." he added. "Oh... oh goodness," Fyodor let out a small sigh, "So... every time you experience them, it feels like you actually lived through that time period again?"