Detective and Me

Chapter 8

After finishing my story, I take a look at the twins. They are staring at me, their jaws slack. The silence is broken by Mia: "I don't even know how to react to this. I am freaking furious that you hid such important things from us, and at the same time, I am concerned that you endured all the panic and anxiety alone."
"But I am freaking mad, and no, there isn't an ounce of concern in my heart for you," Darla adds, but that little crack in her voice betrays her hard demeanor. I know Darla is terrified; she isn't just merely concerned. It's different with her; she lost someone she held very dearly, and now the mere thought of the hurt of anyone she loves kills her. I wasn't doing anything dangerous, and after years of therapy, my anxiety was in control. But they have seen me at my worst: all the anxiety I used to get when someone talked directly to me or when I used to be in the spotlight in front of the whole class, the panic attacks, the overthinking... They helped me through it all; they held my hand and brought me back from the dark corner of my mind. They know that facing those criminals and being held at gunpoint wouldn't have been easy for me at all, but what they don't know is that Camden was with me, and he held me; he didn't let me wander to the dark place and kept me afloat on the surface. He has truly been my anchor. I take a look at my best friend's concerned face, and my eyes tear up. "I am sorry guys; I just didn't want you to be stressed over me." And it is true. Darla scoffs, but Miya hugs me and says, "Don't cry; we just..." "I know," I assured her, and I hugged her even tighter. I look at Darla with watery eyes; she looks away for a beat, then joins our hug. We care deeply for one another. "Never, and I repeat, never again hide something from us." Darla starts, "When I saw you that day unconscious in that detective's arms, I was so scared." A sob escapes her: "When mom died, the cop who informed us was wearing a similar uniform, and... I thought," she trails off. "Shh, shh, I know, I get it." My heart breaks... and all three of us are crying now. It didn't even occur to me that an incident like this could have triggered Darla. They both lost their mother three years ago, but Darla took the blow the hardest. She pretends she is doing fine, but she still hasn't healed from that trauma. And I feel instantly bad for putting them through this. I don't say anything. The three of us just stood there holding each other for, I don't know, how long. After a few minutes, Darla breaks the hug and chimes, "Enough tears; now tell us about this new boyfriend of yours." I roll my eyes. Leave it to Darla to say the most random thing out of the blue: "He is not my boyfriend, Darla. I already told you that there is nothing between us." Miya just chuckles. "Really? Because the way you two were staring at each other didn't feel like nothing." "What?" Miya asks excitedly, "Hold your horses." I put a hand between them and admitted, "I might have a little crush on him, but that's it." Darla lets out an excited squeal. "And... it's completely one-sided. So I might have been looking at him with hearts in my eyes, but there is nothing from his side." Saying that out loud arouses this weird feeling in my chest, and I rub it away. "One-sided crush, that's even more exciting," Darla utters, sounding way too excited over one silly crush. I just shrug.
"Wait, let me get some wine, and then you can tell us all about him." I don't protest because, after those intense moments, I don't mind a glass or two.

Miya and I are sitting in a comfortable silence in our living room, with a half-finished bottle of wine. Darla excused herself after I told them about my and Camden's encounters.

"So, Camden, huh?" Miya breaks the silence.
"Yeah!" I sigh, not sure what else to say.
"Do you think it can go somewhere?"
"I don't think so. It's quite new. I am not even sure how long this crush will last." I say, but deep down I know that it's more than a crush, not that I am admitting this out loud. I am scared of falling for him and him not reciprocating the feeling. I am scared of getting heartbroken. I don't know if I am even capable of receiving love; other than the twins, no one has cared enough about me, let alone loved me. My own parents never bothered, so why would Camden? Miya covers my hand with hers. I look at her. She knows where my thoughts are wandering.
"Ava, I hope everything works out for you. If someone is deserving of love, then it's you. Even if it's not Camden, you will find someone who will sweep you off your feet and love you more than anything." I doubt that, but I hope, God, I hope to find that kind of love someday, the kind that I read in books. I don't voice my thoughts; I just hug Miya tightly and sigh deeply.

When I go to bed late at night, all I can think about is my meeting with Camden and how it will feel to be loved by a man like him. I guess I'll never know.