My Choice (Third in the "Baby Brother Series)

Twenty-Two

"Tell me about this recent relapse," Dr. Neueburg sighed. "What triggered it?"

"I don't know. I want to say it was Bill's seizure but I think it was more because of June."

"What happened with June?"

"She was talking to Harmony, another of Miley's friends, about my brother. And I could hear the disgust and I was torn between hitting her and kicking her out but I could think about that considering Bill's condition. However, Harmony said something to her and that kind of summed up how I felt."

"Oh, well then you should've been fine. So why do you think her words triggered your relapse?"

"I started thinking about my brother like, like he was cursed. That this condition was a punishment for him lying that night. That him being raped was punishment for lying that night. I started blaming him again because of how she spoke," Tom sighed. "I can see that now."

"And you got angry, which made you scratch," Dr. Neueburg deduced. "Well, at least you managed to catch yourself before you really did damage. I can see those scars and they're almost completely healed and this wasn't even 72hrs ago. So I guess I can say well done."

"I still feel awful," Tom sighed. "I think Billa is starting to feel like he's the problem and he's been isolating himself a lot."

Tom's hands began to fumble on his lap, his anxiety skyrocketing. He didn't like being the cause for Bill's distress. That would mean another visit from a case worker. She already came by when they reported Bill's assault and him being pulled from school. Miley decided to hire a tutor and they would be homeschooling him.

Bill was pissed at first, not wanting to be cooped up all day. But Mr. Damon showed him his curriculum and honestly Bill was excited. There were trips he planned and the tall dark skinned male spoke fluent German. Miley made sure he was also certified in cpr/first aid and took the special epilepsy education course. Bill only worried about how Andy would take not seeing Bill at school.

"How's he taking to homeschooling?"

"They went on a field trip yesterday," Tom smiled. "There's an immigrant museum two hours out. Bill enjoyed it."

"That's good. So you shouldn't feel worried? I know you're about to be a father and husband. Those are two very big roles."

"Yeah they are. And I'm worried that I'm not ready for either one. Bill can't wait to be an uncle. He's even helping Miley with the name."

"You've been parenting your little brother for years. I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable but I believe this is your self saboteur that is making you anxious.

"You've said yourself: Bill is happy. Miley is happy. They love you. You have friends. Good ones. Yes. You have some hurdles to cross daily but don't forget the ones you've already passed."

Tom pressed his lips together, still worried about how easily he could slip into that hateful mindset.

"But why do I keep blaming him when I feel embarrassed or angry or upset? I don't understand it. How can I possibly love him so much yet despise him at the same time?"

"Well you're about to have your first child, and your parents aren't here...is that maybe what's been bothering you?"

"They won't have the chance to see their grandchildren, it does upset me. But I know that's not Bill's fault. It's not. Anything could've caused that to happen," Tom snorted.

"Yes. But did you realize that your demeanor changed the moment I mentioned it, you're angry right now, aren't you?"

"I mean, yeah, a little. I would have loved to introduce Miley to my mother and father. I would've loved to have them meet their first grand child. I would've loved seeing my mama in grandma mode. She would've been an amazing Opa," Tom froze.