Episode- 45

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Episode- 45

       I whispered, “S-stop.. please… it hurts…”  he stopped… he is listening to me… he pulled my chin to face him, and he said, “Kiss me..”

I looked at him with shock, he was looking at me with lust… he said again, “Kiss me, Ella…” he called me ‘Ella’ again.. after all these months.. my tears filled my eyes… but he is not the same.. he is a monster now.. I know it doesn’t mean anything….  I moved a little close to him.. I have to do it.. I promised…, maybe I was too slow.. I felt him crashing his lips into me, it is rough and painful.. his hands were pushing my gown down.. no… he is going to sleep with me… Can I stop him… no… I traded myself to him…

    He me made me stand, I looked down.. he pushed the gown down to meet the floor.. and I am standing without any clothing around my body.. his hand touched my waist,  I felt shiver and somewhat disgusted.. but why I body is reacting… no.. I didn’t want this… I felt his lips on my stomach…

       I know he feels nothing for me…I stayed there with blank eyes, and I will let him do whatever he wants… whatever he wants.. but he lost my love today… I can never love him the same way,,, he made me feel like a woman who trades her body, just like a prostitute.. a woman from a brothel… there is no difference between me and them… it’s just that only this man can tough me… because I am his slave…….

    Past Midnight,

       I sat on the bed in his chamber, every part of my body is hurting,… my body is still sweating and my heart is bleeding, I was covering myself with sheet… I wiped my tears but my eyes are still blank as I lost something from inside me… I lost myself…

          Adrian poured himself a drink. He gulped… his eyes met my weak body, but I know he didn’t pity me.. he enjoyed what he did to me….he is enjoying my misery… he said, “why are you still here… don’t you know the rules… a mistress is not allowed to sleep in Kings bed… it’s only Queens place…. You should leave after you satisfy me”

   My grip tightened around the sheet…but I didn’t say anything.. I got down the bed, my legs were giving up… but I stood up and got dressed.. I walked to the door,,, I looked at him facing his back to me… I walked to my room… as soon as I entered the room… I feel EMPTY… that’s what I am… empty inside…..

       Beth ran to me and said, “My lady, you are back…” I didn’t answer.. I saw her grasping… I looked in the mirror.. my neck is filled with dark red and blue marks… I just said, “Get.. out.. now!” Beth was hesitating, but she left me alone… I sat down on the floor, and tears won’t stop.. I curled into a ball and cried.. why.. why.. why..it’s always me… why I have to suffer….. I hate myself…. I hate it…

              1 week later,

         I stopped crying over time, but that doesn’t mean I am not in pain, he spend few more nights with me, and I stopped opposing it because I  promised..… I feel so lonely and empty.. Beth walked in, saying, “My lady… I brought breakfast… Please eat something…”

   I ignored her and then said, “I want my mother…” I want to cry in her arms, I miss how she use to scold me on my mistakes, then she use to comfort me too… she use to feed me, she use to pat my head to sleep… all this years I miss that.. but today I feel like I can’t live without it…

      I turned to Beth, who was confused,  I asked, “Beth… can you take me to the eastern grave yard…” commoners were given burial there, but  they even buried father there…

    Beth hesitated and said, “My Lady,,, his majesty strictly ordered everyone you can’t leave this building,.. and the grave yard is too far from here… he won’t allow this,…”  I looked down and said, “Can you please pass my message to him… I will write it to him… tell him I request it.. I want to see my mother…”

            I wrote my request on the piece of paper and passed it to Beth… I was waiting in the room, after like 1 hour Beth came to me, by expressions I know she didn’t got what I asked for…

   She said, “My Lady… his Majesty said he can’t allow you to leave the palace… but you can go to the servants' quarter where your mother used to live… That place is still locked and untouched.. and he even passed this letter…” My mother’s room is still untouched…

    I took the letter and read it ‘Estella do you think your this trick will work on me.. are you trying to find an escape… foolish of you thinking I will agree to you… but because you accepted your fate that night…  I am rewarding you… you can go to your mothers room just this once… never again.. and guards will be with you….” I feel hurt.. did he think I am doing this as act… but I do want to go there again.. my old home when I was much happier back then……

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