Endlessly

1

I thought you guys would also want to meet me and not just the love of my life, Jane. My name is Nick. Let's leave it that way. 25 years of age but still really good-looking despite the grief I went through for the past 20 months. I'm a licensed electrical engineer working in a local company with a good pay enough for me to live a life where I can get the things I wanted & dreamt of when I was still a student. Parents? I have them just like every man in this world. Pinalaki nila ko nang hindi mahilig sa luho, pero binibigay nila pag kailangan ko at deserve ko. For now they reside in our place in Tagaytay, near the tree house that Jane and I built. Living with them is my younger sister, Maddie, 18. She's beautiful and smart and happens to be very close with Jane when she was still here, with me, living.

Right now I'm staying in my condo in Manila. It was a gift from my parents when I passed the licensure exam. Sabi nga sa inyo kanina, isang kalderong sipag at tiyaga lang ang kailangan. They said if I stayed there in Tagaytay with them, I will just go back everyday in our place and forgetting will become more difficult for me to get a move on with life.

They have a point ,though I don't agree. So today I got up from my bed, took a quick hot shower, packed my bags and clothes enough for a couple of days of vacation, got in the car, started the keys and drove to the place I'm dying to see once again in ages.

I head straight to the hill where the tree house is standing. It's still pretty awesome just like the ones who built it. Kidding. As I walk up the hill and see the little house. I can feel Jane, not in a creepy way, and all I want right now is to see her once again, to hold her in my arms while watching the sun rise from behind the trees on the hills far away, to smell her hair, to kiss her cheeks and feel her fingers fill the gaps in mine. I swung the door open and see dusts in every frame of our pictures hanging everywhere, placed on every stand. How long have I been gone? I asked Maddie to look after the tree house but it seems to me that she just only literally looked at it. I also remembered telling her not to touch and move things inside, so maybe she figured not to clean instead of me picking at her for moving things away from their rightful places. I wanted everything to stay the way it was just like when Jane was still alive. I dropped my backpack on the chair beside the door and started to clean the place around. When I finished, it took me an hour or two for reminiscing every photograph I held in my hands.

I walk down the hill and back to our town house. I saw my mother in the porch, sipping in her hot coffee. Kape, kape, kape. Paborito nya kasi ang kape. Kaya nerbyosa eh. One more second and I can clearly see her wide smile in her face, it curled up a bit because maybe she was thinking that I have gone from the treehouse first.. again. She opened her arms for me to burry in and I did. I've been so far away this whole time trying to forget. I guess it worked, a little.

"Nicolo, my son, I missed you. We missed you so much.", napaliguan ako ng halik. "We only hear from you from your phone calls and see you in your video calls. How have you been? What brought you here?",

There's a sudden silence when she asked the second question.

"Bakasyon po 'ma. I needed a break from all these 'moving-on-thing' and I wanted to see you guys so.."

Maddie saw me from inside of the house, she squealed and run like a chicken with a mug in her one hand.

"Kuya! Omg.You're here?

For how long? Oh, would you like to have breakfast with us? I bet you're hungry from the long drive. And hey, what time did you leave Manila to be here bakit parang di ka naligo? You're like covered in dusts. Eww?

"How about you cage the questions and explain to me why the treehouse is covered with dusts?"

I immediately turn around to where mom was standing. Fortunately, she has gone back to the kitchen to maybe tell Dad I was back. Si Daddy, he'd always been there for me.

"You've been there, right?" Maddie asked, snapping me out of my flashbacks.

"Oo."

"You know mom would be very disappointed if she knew that.."

"I know, I know. I just needed it. I've been dying to see it for a very long time."

"Right. I didn't touch anything. Just like you wanted." Maddie said, grinning.

"Yeah, because you never go there, right hmm?"

"It's not my fault, Kuya. The last time I'd been there,mom got angry with me."

"Why?"

"Why? Mom was--actually, we are beginning to think that you visit here, which is so rare, just to see your little tree house."

I can feel Maddie is a bit disappointed of me too.

"Sorry", she mumbled.

I hugged her, this was the very first time I did it again since Jane's funeral. "I know that you understand me, bunso, more than anyone. And that's not the only reason why I came back. I'm on leave for a while and instead of going some place else, I want to be here with you guys."

"Awww. You've been drinking lately?"

"No. You know I stopped that since I saw Jane's ghost angry at me for wasting myself."

"Ghost. Haha."

"I am about five seconds away from punching you."

"Oh, subukan mo."

We head to the kitchen to eat with mom and dad. God. I missed them so much. Hindi ko inakala na to forget Jane would include my family. Suddenly I felt guilty inside.

That night I stayed in the guest room. Mom said my room was still not ready so I ended up there. The room was fine, with veranda, which is perfect when I couldn't sleep. Her ghost. I only see her when I do something awful with myself. I felt her presence while climbing up the hill earlier in the morning. Maybe she misses me too. I lay down in my bed, wondering when I'll see her again. I don't care. Ghost or not.