...I brushed my hair quickly with your razor, which I realized too late, left me looking like I had terminal alopecia. I walked down to the door.
*opens cutely* "Hai I'm Fernonimellius Beefintoe-Fingernoodellius-Minotaurinelinalentellius and I'm here to fix your AC," said a deep country voice.
I stared at him. He stared at me. I swear he moved closer.
"Yeah, man your air condishonin is crusty and needs replacement immediately."
"Yeah, I noticed that. It's always really chilly in my room. I've been squatting here since 2003 and by golly is it chilly."
Just then, Jungkook of BTS busted through the roof and punched Geronimo or whatever in the nose 3.769 times, dragged him by the hair, kicked him in his solarplexius, and told him his breath stank before proceeding to break out into song high-school musical style.
"SMOOTH LIKE BUTTER LIKE A CRIMINAL UNDERCOVER"
And then we cheered and drank banana milk together. But then I woke up. I sat and sobbed in my bathroom good-4-u style for the rest of the day until you came home, Moe.
Miss u pooks-- attic dweller <3
