I'm about to get real sentimental.
Moe, I've enjoyed squatting here since 2003. The day you walked up to this shed on an apple orchard in the middle of Oregon, I saw it in your eyes. This was your forever home.
I loved how you always had stains on your shirt, but I took action in 2015 and now you don't.
One particularly hot summer day, I got really hungry. You and your son Moellius (pre bowl-cut era) had gone to the waterpark for the day. I had already rummaged through your cabinets in search of food, but your hobo self had none. So, I did the only sensible thing a dweller on an apple orchard would do for food. I made my way to your laundry room and licked all the stains.
Your neon green blazer from taco tuesday tasted like a chimichanga fried at the bottom of a carnival dumpster in 1982. As for your shirt from that night you had takeout, the tap water from your sink did little to wash away the sensation that I was eating a cancerous tumor recently removed from the back of a clinically obese hoarder of LSU beanie babies.
Ever since then, I found my new hobby. Oxiclean has nothing on me. So, with a heavy heart, I bid farewell to your house. How, you ask? Well, it's simple....
