As I heard you coming up the stairs, I knew I had to act quickly. I packed up my things in a blanket and tied it around a stick. I thought with all my brainpower: 'What do I do?'
Then, I remembered the #1 rule when in trouble. With all my willpower, I screamed, "LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR, STATE FARM IS THERE."
A grueling three seconds passed by, I knew I was doomed. You already had your hand on the doorknob. Realistically speaking, you should've been here ages ago, but since its 4 AM you tripped up the stairs at least 12 times.
Just as you turned the doorknob, a loud "CA CAW" was heard and a man in khaki pants, a red shirt, and wings sprouting from his back swooped in, made a large hole in the roof, and picked me up.
Jake!
You watched me fly away, eyes wide. I got a little teary eyed, leaving your house. But I know there'd be more tears if I was sent to jail. The bird and I flew over the USA while I screamed "IT'S A PARTY IN THE USA" in ode to miley who now sounds like a coffee maker when it pours the water.
As we flew over japan, ni-kii bit me to promote his song (stream Bite Me). I cried.
Then, Jake from State Farm told me that my gut was being too loud, so he dropped me at a train station in Seoul where I quickly attended a TXT concert and I swear Yeonjun winked at me.
I missed the first train so Thomas the train came to save me. He also told me my gut was being too loud so he dropped me in the middle of the Ganges river. I sat and cried while thinking of how to transform into my nomadic lifestyle.
Then, I did the unthinkable. I swam all the way to Beijing and only stopped once to talk to Al. His government name is Al E. Gator. I stole his license.
As soon as I made it to Beijing, I immediately boarded a flight to Canada in realization that I wanted to be fluent in French and get milk in bags. I realized I had no financial plan, so...
