Not Just the Family Business

Every Rose Has it's Thorn

Trigger warning: Suicide ideation, suicide attempt, self-harm

Somehow, Bobby got Dean and me both out of the mud and into the car. He loaded Sam and Bee's bodies into the back. We drove from Cold Oak to Sioux Falls—nearly four hours—in complete silence. Dean and I went through intermittent bouts of crying and sleeping.

Once we were home, Dean carried both Sam and Bianca into that back room. I curled up in a ball on a chair across from Bee's bed. I didn't care that I was covered in mud. I didn't want to leave her side. There was nothing I could do to save her.

"Here." Dean handed me a bottle of Jack.

I didn't say anything; I just took the bottle. Dean sat across from Sam. We spent forever there. The light that peeked through the blinds to the room slowly faded. I drank more Jack than I ever had before and lost track of time.

"I brought you this back," Bobby said. "I think it's time you both sober up."

I smelled chicken but left my head on my knees.

"No thanks. I'm fine," Dean said.

Bobby sighed. "You should eat something."

"I said I'm fine," Dean growled. He lifted his bottle to his lips. Mine was empty.

"I hate to bring this up...don't you think maybe it's time...we bury them?" Bobby asked.

"No." Dean stared at Sam.

"We could...maybe..."

"What?" Dean slipped into that eerie calm again. "Torch his corpse? Not yet."

"I want you to come with me," Bobby said.

"I'm not going anywhere," Dean said.

"Dean, please," Bobby's voice broke.

"Would you cut me some slack?" Dean finally turned to face Bobby.

Bobby sighed. "I just don't think you should be alone, either of you. I gotta admit, I could use your help." Dean scoffed. "Something big is going down—end-of-the-world big."

"Well, then let it end!" I screamed.

"You don't mean that," Bobby said.

I stood up and marched over to Bobby. I don't know what possessed me. Here was a man who had been nothing but kind to me. "You don't think so? Huh? You don't think I've given enough? You don't think I've paid enough? I'm done with it. All of it. And if you know what's good for you, you'd turn around and get the hell out of here."

Bobby didn't know what to say. His mind was blank.

"Go!" Dean shouted. I didn't even realize he stood beside me. His arms wrapped around me as I started sobbing again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, just go."

"You know where I'll be." Bobby turned and left.

Dean held me and smoothed down my hair. I felt the droplets of his tears hitting my head. We didn't say a word. I don't know how long we stood like that.

"I can't do anything for her," I said. "I'll never see her again. The last conversation we had was about burgers of all things."

"I know." Dean rested his cheek against the top of my head.

"I have twelve months left all for nothing." I sobbed into his chest.

Dean rubbed my back. "Shhhh." He walked me back to my chair and sat me down. Kneeling in front of me, he said, "I'm going out for more liquor. Any requests?"

"More Jack," I mumbled.

"You got it." Dean patted my knee.

Just as soon as Dean disappeared, I must've dozed off. The yellow-eyed demon appeared in front of me. I pulled my gun from my holster and fired.