Welcome to Underland

Avoidance

I lay in bed, my feed machine being the only sound around me. I can’t risk music, Ren has been knocking on my door daily since the other day. I had turned off my phone at some point, not wanting to hear the constant calls and texts I was getting off Ren, he had enlisted Don and Nox for help at some point so their texts and calls had joined.

I wasn’t even sure what day it was, unable to do much other than watch the TV on mute or sleep, my days and nights had blurred together. I had tried apartment hunting online but my hands could barely move so I had given up. I look over at the pile of feed bags I had beside me and sighed, I was going to run out soon. I definitely hadn’t been keeping my feed schedule, no sense of time fucks some things up.

A bang on my front door startles me, causing me to look up. No ones knock had been that aggressive yet. “I’m coming in, you told me where your spare key was,” my face pales as I recognise the voice. I look myself over frantically and shove my arms under the blanket leaving only my head visible.

The door unlocks moments later and footsteps head towards my bedroom. I shrink a little into my bed, not wanting reality to come back. The door swings open revealing a worried face.

“El, what happened?” Master Raine asks as he places down the large bag he has with him. I look over at him and shrink further into my bed. “El, please we are all worried,” the worry completely takes over his face and the tears roll down mine instantly.

“I…. I …… I’m s..s..sorry Master,” I blubber out, tears streaming down my face. He instantly grabs me and pulls me onto his lap. “Shhh, shhh, El, it’s ok let it all out. I’m not mad we are all just very worried,” he tells me cuddling me closer.

“I … I … I can’t be with them,” the tears continue to stream down my face, I grip Master Raine tighter, afraid he will run if I let go. “Why can’t you?” he asks when the tears slow down, I just continue crying.

“It’ll…. She’ll ….. He’ll …… pain ….. Sorry,” I hear him sigh as he realises he won’t get anything understandable out of me.

“It’s okay Ellie my little princess, let me get you into something comfortable and get some nom noms,” he says to me lifting me out of my bed. His eyes catch on my arms, still bruised like hell and he pauses for a moment before smiling at me trying to distract me.

“Do you have any diapees?” he asks, I shake my head trying to stop the tears. “Oh don’t worry Ellie, I can get a friend to drop some stuff over they shouldn’t be too long,” he tells me his phone coming out of his pocket.

“No…no..no they can’t see me like this. No I can’t see them please,” I’ve become hysterical, but nothing can calm me down. The world becomes a blur of tears and screams before it goes dark.

Before I even open my eyes I can tell I am on someone's lap. I open them slowly trying to take in the room around me, I instantly lock eyes with Master Raine, I drop my eyes and bring my attention to my body. I am in my usual baby setup, making me confused.

“What are you doing here?” I ask after a moment, my body feels sore but I don’t remember having a session with him.  “I came here about 3 hours ago because we were all worried about you  and you ended up having a panic attack and blacking out. No one had heard from you in over a week Ellie,” he tells me, my eyes widen as I remember what had happened making me shoot up, my head narrowly missing Master Raines chin.

Pain shoots up my arms making me look at them in frustration before trying to stand up and falling back instantly. Master Raine catches me and pulls me onto his lap rubbing my back gently as my breathing slows down again.

“Can I just ask you a few questions since it seems you now remember, just so I can figure out where you are health wise at the moment?” he asks once my breath evens out, I just nod in response too tired to talk.

“When was the last time you had a feed?” is the first question. “Before you came I just finished one. I don’t think I’ve been having them often enough though,” I tell him pointing at the box that stored my feeds. He places me on the couch before heading into my bedroom and grabbing the bags of feed that are still full. Counting them quickly I realise he is doing the maths of how many feeds I had done since receiving this box. “I am meant to have 8 a day, I got the tube like two days before we last saw each other,” I supply to help him figure it out. He clearly comes to a conclusion before shaking his head and trying again before whipping his head towards me.

“Sweets, if you had been taking your feeds as usual until you went MIA you would have ran out of feed three days later. Yet you have a day's worth of feed left,” he tells me before instantly grabbing the feed machine and setting me up with a feed.

“I didn’t mean to neglect myself,” I tell him quietly, as he settles back under me again. “No need to worry now. Did you get hurt before or after you disappeared?” he asks, his fingers running in circles over my hand. “The day I disappeared, that's when I got hurt,” He hisses in a breath before looking at my arms that I had laid in my lap. I had been avoiding using them.

“Baby, they should be looking a lot better by now, this means that these are serious injuries. How have you been able to do basic things?” he asks, confusion filling his voice. “I have just been sleeping or putting on feeds. Occasionally using the bathroom, that was most difficult with the chair transfers,” I explain, he didn’t need to know how bad the pain was or that it wasn’t just where you could see the physical marks.

“Ok, we need to get you checked out,” I instantly go to interject but he just gently shushes me. “You are going to do more damage to yourself if you don’t get checked out. You have two choices, one is Don and the other is the hospital,” he tells me. I sit there silently, Don can’t know I know Master Raine, but I hate the hospital.

“Can I do neither?” I ask looking up at him with baby eyes. “What is your reasoning for both no’s?” he asks patiently. “Hospitals are scary, Don can’t know I know you,” I explain to him.

“Hospitals may be scary but they will help you. If you really don’t want to go to the hospital we can come up with some excuse of how I know you and I can take you to Don,” he suggests after I clearly don’t budge on the hospital situation.

“We met in a restaurant and became friends. That’s all he needs to know,” I tell him sternly, he nods before picking me up gently. “I’m going to give him a buzz and book you in for an hour, do you want help getting changed?” he asks me as he places me gently on my bed.

“Help me please,” I say as he dials Don, he nods at me before walking into the other room talking to Don. Laying there silently I try to figure out what Don is going to do to treat me. It’s not like he can do much other than tell me to not move around much and give out to me about neglecting myself.

“Your booked in for twenty minutes, lets get you dressed,” Raine says walking into my room. I lay there limply letting him do the work, resigning myself to the inevitable full body exam Don is going to do. Master dresses me in a simple hoodie and joggers, sliding on a pair of loose boxers after removing the diaper.

My inner mind whines a little at the loss of the diaper but I can’t let Don see it, I can’t let him know.
Hmmmm.

Howdy m'loves

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