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Worries

"I think I can take off the diaper now," I say to Raine after he got off the phone with Ren. "Are you sure?" he asks me, the concerned Dom coming out clearly in his voice. I have to actively try to not roll my eyes. "Yes, I wet myself once from stress, I will be fine. I promise," I tell him, he looks into my eyes as if trying to look for a lie before nodding his head.

"Do you want to at least use it first so you don't have to be carried to the bathroom in about five minutes," I look at him confused. "You're squirming like a child. Just use the diaper, I will clean you up and you can make yourself look more alive so Ren doesn't shit a brick when he sees his Sub looking on the brink of death," he tells me. I look at him with a blank face before sighing and letting go in the diaper.

Raine praises me quietly before cleaning me up and sliding some boxers onto me. I want to curl up into a ball and make myself invisible once he leaves, not wanting to deal with the others, not wanting to face Ren. I had hurt him and I was painfully aware of it. I try to shift my body to make myself more comfortable but my arms were immobilised as per the doctors orders.

After I had been changed, the nurses had come in and placed both my arms in some weird slings , holding them bent at shoulder level. It was incredibly uncomfortable but apparently moving and using them would risk me damaging them more than they already were.

I start to bang my head against my bed as I try and fail to think of a way to approach this situation without hurting Ren; myself I don't really care, but Ren who was so desperate to show me I can be loved and be a Sub despite my disabilities, he can't get hurt.

There are suddenly two hands holding my head still making me open my eyes and look up at the concerned face of Don. "Please stop hurting yourself, no matter the reason we can help you," he says, not looking away until I nod reluctantly.

"Now, whats running around that pretty head of yours that has you so worked up?" he asks as he sits on my bed, Nox joining him. "I don't know how to not hurt Ren," I mutter, the two of them look at each other before looking at me.

"E, sweetheart, unfortunately Ren has already been hurt by this situation, and we can't do anything about that. All we need to focus on right now is making sure this situation is sorted and no one else gets hurt. Not you, not Ren, not Raine, not us," Don tells me, watching me

"I don't want to hurt anyone, but if I tell him I hurt him, if I don't I hurt him. If I leave him, he'd be better off but he'd be hurt. This is why I am a loner, its so much easier, you on't have people caring about you," I groan to myself, not truly meaning it. These men had made my life great, but it did cause a lot of extra worry in my life.

"E, no one can go through life without hurting anyone, we can try not to but it is difficult, really difficult. You aren't intentionally hurting us or him," Nox says, "You are intentionally hurting yourself right now," Don interrupts as he looks me over, "but I don't believe you could hurt someone with malicious intent," he finishes.

Sighing, I try to relax my body, wishing I could rip my arms out of these immobilising devices and curl up under the blanket hidden from everyone. Knowing that isn't allowed I look at the ceiling taking a deep breath before looking over at Don, getting medical information will get me out of my mind while we wait for Ren to arrive.

"What is going to happen to my hands?" I ask, everyone looking confused at the quick change of topic.

"Well, you are going to get surgery to correct the bone misalignment, which will probably result in pins in your hand, but you are also going to be put in casts for both hands for your wrist so the pins shouldn't bother you. The casts will likely go just past your elbow just to guarantee no movement can be made, you will have to keep them elevated for a week or two at minimum before being able to go around functioning. The casts will likely only be on for 4 or so weeks before you get sent to physical therapy," Don goes into Doctor mode as he explains.

"I can do the physical therapy with you," Nox tells me as I begin to process this information. "Incontinence, what about that, will you be able to do tests about that?" I ask Don as my brain organises the previous information given to me.

Both Don and Raine look at each other confused before looking at me hoping I'll elaborate. "I used to get stress incontinence, when I went to my previous doc they said I was basically guaranteed to be incontinent by the time I'm in my mid 30's. Is there a way you can look at that? I may like diapers in my little space but other than that I ain't a fan," I explain to them.

"We can do some tests, but from what I've seen you should be fine. No need to worry about that at the moment, ok?" he tells me, I simply nod in response.

"Are you ready to talk to Ren?" Raine asks after a moment of silence. "Not really, if I am being completely honest," I answer as I once again let my eyes travel around the ceiling. "I quit his business by going above his head basically after ignoring him for however long I've been injured without giving him a more than 'it's over, it's not going to work' basically. I don't know how to face that,".

"You've been MIA since Monday last week, it's Thursday," I hear Ren's voice coming from the door.

Howdy everyone,

Hope y'all are doing well. Buy Me a Coffee has blocked my account and is refunding any payments towards me because they claim my account doesn't meet their guidelines..... in other words, they think I'm like an onlyf*ns account or something despite me showing proof I'm not ffs. I might set up an account on something else because I do want to do commissions and other stuff.

But anyway hope y'all are having good times atm. 

Much love,

Boo xx