poetry she wrote

agong

I sat there
The only noise the lights and air conditioning buzzing
As everything felt like it was pulling away at sonic speed
I felt alone
And unworthy of love
I felt crazy
And massively ugly
I hate my skin and my brain
And I sobbed
In complete silence, I just cried for as long as I needed
Because I was so broken
Once again, just like when I was 15 and I'd cry myself to sleep, wishing to be hit by a bus
I felt that same way
I knew it would be easier to die rn if I wanted to
But I didn't want to
I hate my body ,and I hate my mental health
But I don't wanna die but Gods do I want
This suffering to stop so I laid on the floor
And I cried begging for all the pain and sadness and illness to go away
Because no one was coming
Knights in shining armor don't exist
Princes aren't some mythological saving thing
Love doesn't cure all
Love isn't enough and I don't even know if it is real
The people I care about aren't here
I'm utterly and truly alone
And that is what even better
While I wish I could rip my skin off
Or reform my body or have the parts of my brain that make everyone hate me and make thing so hard ripped from me
I have no one
No one to comfort me or kill the pain
Because life isn't some movie or romcom and no one is coming, no one cares
Everyone is busy with their own lives
Because I've never been important
There is always someone who can be better than me
And I hate that
But that's reality
When I said I heard you in marching band, there were millions of girls who could say the same thing better
When I was the sun and she was the moon, there were others with the card on their wall. I was never special
When my friends met me
whether it was 3rd grade or 6th, there were other kids
It all happened by chance, but no one can save me from the mess of me
Or the world
This is hell
And a series of impossible chances lining up
And all I want is to see all of them care without me begging pleading
But it's impossible
And I'm alone
I just want to be wanted and loved