"Yes... I want you to leave me alone. I mean it."
The words leave a sickly taste in your mouth and you wash them down with even more wine, aware that the more you drink the more your resolve might weaken but you're not thinking straight.
"Do you tho...
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The cab pulls away from the kerbside and you can feel Van's gaze on you but you keep looking ahead, eyes fixed firmly on the headrest of the driver's seat, your heart thundering in your chest.
"So what... are we just gonna sit here in silence all the way to the hotel?"
"Uh-huh... sounds perfect to me!" You say, feeling your body stiffening defensively, your hands clasped together tightly in your lap.
But Van's not giving up that easily, you can see him in your field of vision, shifting in his seat, leaning over the gap between you, his arm outstretched as his hand brushes your thigh to get your attention. You jump like his touch scolds you.
"Don't fucking touch me!"
He withdraws his hand in an instant and your eyes flick up to the rearview mirror to meet the driver's which widen in concern.
"Everything alright there in the back love? D'ya need a hand?"
His voice booms out and he's addressing you but the edge of warning in his voice is aimed at Van. You realise that he probably thinks you're being harassed, and for a moment you consider telling him that you do need help, imagining him pulling over and ordering Van out into the pouring rain. That would probably cool his ardour... but would it cool yours? You don't think it's likely as you steal a glance at Van, see his eyes narrow at you in a daring kind of challenge. He knows damn well that a twisted part of you relishes his attentions. You glare at him pointedly before turning away.
Van leans across the seat, invading your space, not letting up. "Don't touch me? Oh that's a good one. Didn't hear you saying that when you were coming all over my fingers in the bathroom the other week!"
"Jesus Van!" You hiss, face instantly turning scarlet, your thighs involuntarily clamping together as you relive the sordid encounter. "Keep your voice down will you?"
"Why? You think if we don't talk about this it's just gonna go away?"
You huff loudly, turning your face away, arms folding across your chest like you're trying to stop yourself from falling apart. In truth you are. You thought you'd be able to handle this better, that maybe staying away from Van would make your feelings lessen. It hasn't. If anything his absence has just strengthened them. Now he's sitting next to you, barely a foot away, you can feel that magnetic pull again. It's taking you all your restraint not to throw yourself across the gap in the seats and tangle your fingers in his hair.
"We can't do this anymore. It's got to stop! We can't do it to Larry. It'd devastate him."
"But he doesn't know a thing!" Van blurts and you swivel your head quickly to face him, incredulous.
"So that makes it alright does it? What? You just want to carry on sneaking around behind his back? Don't you feel guilty? Don't you feel... anything?"
Van opens his mouth to reply but the words don't come. His brow furrows and his face creases and he looks away, first down at his lap and then out the taxi window, studying the rain drops as they create rivulets on the glass.
