"Yes... I want you to leave me alone. I mean it."
The words leave a sickly taste in your mouth and you wash them down with even more wine, aware that the more you drink the more your resolve might weaken but you're not thinking straight.
"Do you tho...
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His lips are warm and moist, pliant as they press firmly against yours. Intoxicating like a hit of the most addictive drug and infinitely more destructive. You can feel your resolve crumbling, your knees weak as his whole body pushes yours against the lift wall. But still you resist.
"Kiss me back," he breathes as he pulls back slightly, his forehead still pressed against yours. "Please Y/N. Just one kiss... that's all I ask."
He makes it sound so simple. A kiss. Just one kiss. Like you can indulge yourself for a brief moment and then part ways, go on living both your lives like it doesn't mean anything. Like you don't want more and more of him with each encounter, the need for him now so strong it's all-consuming, your mind fogging over as your self control ebbs away with each of your thudded heartbeats.
"Van... we can't..."
You dimly wonder when it all changed. The exact moment when your need for Van became so much more than just a few stolen sleazy encounters. You've tried so hard to write these feelings off as simple lust, a burning desire to taste the salt on his skin and hear his panted breaths in your ear and to feel the warm heavy weight of his body pressing down on yours, but you know that there's so much more.
You can feel it now, a yearning beneath the heat, an ache that will never be fulfilled with just these snatched moments. But you can't think of that now. You need to be strong.
He pulls one of your hands that he's still holding upwards towards his chest, pressing it flat against his rain-soaked shirt and holding it there.
"Can you feel it, huh? Can you feel my heart? It's fucking breaking for you and I can't stand it any longer. It's been hell not seeing you these past few weeks. I've missed you so goddamn much that it actually hurts."
He stops and closes his eyes for a brief moment, his long lashes dusting his cheeks. When he opens them again you're sure the yearning in them mirrors your own. "It's you Y/N... only you. It's always been you, even way back when we first met."
What the fuck is he talking about? Besides that stupid drunken kiss one time at a party you'd always been friends and nothing more... before you became sworn enemies. You're sure this dangerous mutual obsession is the product of both of your twisted minds craving something you know you shouldn't have.
"But... but you don't really want me... not really," you stutter. "There's been so many girls over the years I've lost count. It's easy come, easy go with you. You only think you want me because you can't have me. It's like some kind of challenge to you. Come on... admit it. If I wasn't with Larry we wouldn't be here now... doing this."
"Bullshit," he protests. "You think I actually wanted any of those other girls? They were just a distraction. No one compares to you." He releases your hands, raises his up to cup your face, tilting it up to his. "You were with Larry so you were out of bounds. I knew I had to accept it, much as it killed me, so that's what I did. I thought it'd get easier, and it did for a while..." He pauses, swallows deeply. "That's when I noticed you looking at me different. Fuck... I couldn't believe it at first... wouldn't believe it. I tried so hard to ignore it, believe me, but it's like there's some kind of connection between us... pulling me in. I can't explain it but I know you can feel it too."
