"Yes... I want you to leave me alone. I mean it."
The words leave a sickly taste in your mouth and you wash them down with even more wine, aware that the more you drink the more your resolve might weaken but you're not thinking straight.
"Do you tho...
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You should have left the party there and then. The damage had already been done. It was devastating and irreversible, so what was the point in hanging around and prolonging the agony, caught in some kind of torturous purgatory, awaiting judgement day?
You supposed a twisted part of you welcomed the nauseating feeling of dread that slowly and surely descended with each passing minute, watching on as Larry and Sophie carelessly knocked back shot after shot from across the room. You deserved it after all. You deserved every ounce of guilt and shame and uneasiness and you had no one to blame but yourself and your loose morals.
Van had sloped off for a smoke not long after your chat and now he was back but you were trying your best to keep distance between you both. He reminded you of an animal in a cage, dark hooded eyes darting around the room, restless, nervous energy spurring him on to pace back and forth. It was like you were both suspended there, awaiting your fate, tormenting yourselves.
"Good party eh?"
You don't realise the question's being aimed at you until you feel a large hand coming to rest on your shoulder, stirring you from your anxious thoughts. You look up to see Johnny smiling down on you, his trademark lopsided grin and heavy-lidded dopey expression sparking a tiny bit of warmth into your troubled heart.
"Yeah, yeah, I guess so, but I'm pretty smashed so... you know... my opinion doesn't really count for much."
You shrug lightly, trying for a smile which feels unnatural, feeling Johnny's large hand curl around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.
"What's up love? I know something's wrong. You've not been yourself all night... and to be completely honest I don't think you've been yourself for weeks now. Don't try to tell me everything's fine, I know you too well. I know that look."
"What look?" You reply, consciously trying to loosen your stiff limbs and iron out the frown that seems to have taken residence on your face of late. You know it's useless playing dumb. Johnny possesses an uncanny knack of working you out.
"You know full well," he answers, expression full of sympathy and eagerness to understand. "Now come on... tell me what's up. You know it'll go no further. You can trust me."
You look up into his warm eyes and consider how it might feel to purge yourself of your troubles. Johnny's such a kind soul and a good friend, always ready to listen to your woes and offer his honest brand of advice, but you wonder how he might react if he learnt the real truth. The fact that two of his best friends have been sneaking around behind everyone's backs, cheating and lying shamelessly, too wrapped up in their own selfish desires to give much thought to the people that love and care about them the most.
"It's nothing... really. I just need to get my head straight about something, that's all."
As you talk you let your gaze wander over to Larry and Sophie again, see her throw her head back in a genuine laugh, a natural effervescence that's been conspicuously absent in your relationship for quite some time now. You quickly look away, but not before Johnny's followed your gaze and turned back to you, eyebrows slightly raised as he scans your face for a tell.
