There Are Worse Things I Could Do (18+)

38. Ana

The room was so fucking thick with tension, I was visibly hyperventilating at this point. They'd never really been mad at me before. Maybe jokingly, but I'd never seen them like this. I'd never truly felt uncomfortable—or even scared—around them. Scared in a "they're totally going to obliterate my pussy" way, yeah, but this felt different.

I had a disquieting, fleeting thought that maybe those rumors about them had a least a little truth to them...

I swallowed nervously before squaring my shoulders, determined that they wouldn't smell my fear. "I am sorry. I swear, I really am. About this week. About last Saturday. About today, even... I mean it," I told them honestly. They both nodded, seemingly accepting my apology, then Theo nudged his head towards the living room.

"Come sit, so we can talk about what happened," he told me. I felt like he was staring at me in an "I'm angry, but I want to fuck the shit out of you" way...but then again, it could also have been an "I'm angry, so I want to fuck the shit out of you and then cut you into tiny pieces" way.

It was so hard to read them right now.

I sat down on the couch, expecting them to sit down on either side of me. But Theo sat in the armchair, and Liam sat in the couch across from me. It kind of stung, for some reason.

"Thank you for apologizing," Liam began. "But I think we know there's a bigger issue here." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"You don't know how to be honest," Theo explained. "With yourself. And subsequently, with us." He gaze was so scrutinizing, I had to look away. I missed Golden Retriever Theo.

"I can be honest," I told him, trying to match his intense stare, despite feeling like I could shit a brick right now. I was nervous as fuck, and my stomach was a jumbled mess. Theo's eyebrow arched.

"You can? Really?"

"Yes, really! I have never had an issue with being honest. You guys just told me I'm a terrible liar," I pointed out. "I just have an issue with...the emotional shit. The crying and hugging and mushy bullshit that usually comes along with the honesty. That's why," I cleared my throat nervously. "That's why I usually just...avoid situations like this."

"Well, we can't have you trying to avoid us anymore. We're just not willing to allow that to happen again," Liam told me, clenching and unclenching his jaw. His hands were splayed out on his thighs, which shouldn't have been intimidating. But all I could think about was what it would feel like if he did actually spank me.

Would I be angry? Would I ever forgive him if he actually tried corporal punishment on his girlfriend?? A grown ass woman who's never been spanked before? Would I absolutely fucking abhor it if he slid my pants down and bent me over his bed, with his warm, strong hands sliding down my ass, readying my silky, smooth skin for a firm, unyielding—

My pussy throbbed unexpectedly, and I jolted involuntarily. I forced myself to meet his gaze.

...What the fuck was happening to me?

"I understand that," I told him softly. "And it's not even that I don't want to talk about this. I mean, I don't. But I do. It's just...hard to put everything into words, in a way that will make sense to you without hurting you."

"You've already hurt us," Theo shrugged. "And I can guarantee you that the silence and unexplained distance hurts way fucking worse than honesty."

I cringed, knowing he was right (and—fine—Aaliyah was also right), and I deserved to feel as shitty as I currently felt. But him essentially giving me his permission to potentially be brutally honest didn't exactly make me want to open up. Because then, I'd probably start crying. And if I cried, I was going to shut down completely. I was going to want to run. Again.