CHAPTER 1

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ALIX

Have you ever woke up and planned out your day? Has your day ever been interrupted by something so unexpected? What was the unexpected incident? Were you late to an event, woke up sick, stained your outfit with coffee, or was it the death of the person you love? I never had to experience death because everyone close to me was already gone. My father was dead, and my grandparents were too. They died when I was a baby, so I never knew them. Death was nothing but a word to me with no meaning. I never thought about it or how I would feel if it happened to me. People say the biggest loss in life is death. But they are wrong. It's what dies inside you while you still live. You walk around and question yourself, "Am I dead too? Did they forget to bury me?" Every breath you take feels like you're suffocating. My day started like every other day, but ended in a way I would have never expected. As I climbed out of bed that morning, got dressed, and headed off to school, I never would have thought that my mother would be murdered right in front of me a few hours later. We wake up grateful we can see another day, but we don't realize living is harder than dying.

I was born in Clearview, Washington, and I've lived here my whole life. My mother named me Alix, after my estranged father. I'm your average teenager even though I spend alot of my time with my head in a book. I love playing the violin and exploring new places. Despite being a girl, my mother never allowed me to act like one. She wanted me to act like a boy, but I never understood why. I always wore baggy jeans, converse, and large t-shirts. My raven black hair was always in a low ponytail. I didn't mind dressing this way; it was comfortable, but I didn't understand why I could never wear a dress like other girls. As I started to get older, it became harder to hide my developing body. First, it was my breast, then my hips. The more my mother noticed my body changing, the more she tried to hide it. She would get upset with me if I mentioned wearing skirts like the other girls. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and sighed, pulling my hair back to examine my face. I couldn't hide it no matter how hard I tried, I had feminine features. My thick eyelashes, pouty lips, and chestnut brown eyes reminded me of my mother.

"ALIX, YOU'LL BE LATE." My mother yelled from downstairs.

I raced downstairs, pulling my backpack over my shoulder. "I'm leaving now," I said, grabbing a banana. "I'll see you after school." I didn't wait for a response; I left, closing the door behind me.

The sun was shining brightly, and the air was warm and still. A gentle breeze rustled through the leaves of the trees, and the birds were sang lightly in the distance. The flowers were in full bloom. It was a beautiful day to walk to school. Since it was spring, it rained a lot, when it did, my mother would take me to school. I hated it, she would always find something to lecture me about. I tilted my head back, inhaled deeply, and smiled.

I walked into the kitchen and inhaled deeply. The sweet smell of tomato sauce and well-seasoned meat lingered in the air.

"Spaghetti?" I asked, taking a seat at the table.

She placed my plate in front of me, placing her hand on her hip. "You were late?"

I rolled my eyes, "I had something to do at school."
"You can't fool me, Alix. You were trying to see that boy again. What's his name?" She placed her hand on her forehead. "Vincent, right?"

I sighed, "Yeah. Why does it matter? You said I couldn't act like a girl. Why? I don't know because you still won't tell me. Besides, what better way to act like a boy? I surround myself with one."

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