Unspoken (Emotional Creative Writing)

'Just an illusion.'

It's been a year since your passing, and I don't believe you're gone because I still see you. Even after I saw you in the casket and saw it get lowered into the ground and buried...Maybe it was a look-a-like. Or perhaps I'm losing it. People say after someone who has been in your day-to-day life passes, it is hard to move on from it, and it takes a toll on you. You were everything to me, My dream.
Now that you're gone, I don't know what's left in this life for me.
I can still hear your voice in the back of my mind telling me everything will be okay, and I replay the scene of you passing in my mind every day. It's like it's on a loop.
You were in my arms. I could hear your last breath escape your body, and I felt your heart stop.
Are you here for me now? Am I next? Is that why you've come back so soon? Or is this a coping mechanism for me? Is it how my brain copes after losing the one person in this world who I could turn to after everything?
I have so many questions and no answers, and it is driving me insane. Maybe that's what's wrong with me. I'm losing my sanity. Is this what it feels like? The darkness of night swallowed me whole as the last person in my life fell victim to death's game like the last domino. I will see you again, maybe in someone else or in the next lifetime. Soul ties like ours aren't for nothing.
None of this is real, is it? It's all a vast nightmare, and I was in some accident that put me in a coma, right? It has to be. I wouldn't be able to survive without you. Not you, anyone but you...You were a piece of me. Without you, my soul is in fragments, scattered across the universe. I'm unsure if you loved me, but I loved you beyond limit. I don't know if you knew that, but before you were dead in my arms, we had just finished arguing, and we both said stuff we didn't mean.
I told you I hated you, but I don't. I never did. There isn't a single part of me that hates you. I wouldn't hate you in any lifetime.
At your funeral, I saw someone who looked just like me, staring back at me through the crowd. No one else saw them. They just walked past them. The person I saw came closer to me until they were inches from my face, and they asked me,
"Why are you crying?" as bloody tears streamed from their eyes. It was horrifying, but I couldn't move. It was like my feet were cemented to the ground, and everyone was staring at me. I wanted to run.
My breathing became shaky and hitched, and I could no longer control it. At that moment, it felt like I was already dead. The world grew colder than ever, and I was frozen until I saw you. You replaced the person in front of me, and the sudden cold breeze turned warm, and the sky got less cloudy as the sun poured out from behind the trees. My breathing calmed. You placed a hand on my cheek, wiping away my tears. You were cold as ice, but I didn't care. I wanted to hug you, but you wouldn't let me. At the moment, I didn't question why. I was just thankful you were back, but you weren't back, were you? It was just an illusion my mind was playing to keep the panic attack from getting worse.

Word Count; 628