Unspoken (Emotional Creative Writing)

'Differently?'

People say i look at him differently, but when i question it, they don't go into detail.
All they say is; "You look at him like he's your first love, the only person you've ever laid your eyes on."
No one really specified what that means, i mean sure, it's pretty obvious- or so you would think by the way they describe it, but does it mean i'm in love with him?
how do i know the difference between love and hate?
can you love someone more than you hate them?
can you want to scream at someone but kiss them at the same time?
can you kick them out of your life then plead for them back?
how can one even define someone as a 'first love' ?
wouldn't your first love be the person who raised you?
see, your first love doesn't have to be romantic, what if it's your best friend or maybe your sister or your cat, or even your mom.
your first love can be platonic & purely for them being there when you needed them the most, when they held you in their arms and let you cry until your body went limp and you fell asleep crying to them.
but, to say i look at him differently, is it a bad different?
do i look at him how the moon looks at the stars or do i look at him the way paint looks at the canvas before being etched onto it?
do i look at him like someone seeing the most frightening thing?
no, i know how i look at him, just by what im told.
i look at him like he's the sun among a sky full of stars & like he's the only white rose in a garden of red ones.
i look at him like he's the only black swan in a pond of white ones & like he's the only white cloud mixed with stormy grey ones.
i look at him as if it'll be my last time ever laying eyes on him.
so yes, i look at him differently, but that's because i haven't felt something so different before, something so indescribable & unexplainable that even the smartest person alive couldn't put it into perspective.
i do look at him differently, because he's different.

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