To Be Determined

~~Chapter 19~~

Minho

I wasn't going to lie... I was a bit nervous around Jisung lately. Yes, we had talked things through... but things felt a little... stiff now. Like we were at a turning point in our relationship that could go one way or the other... and to be honest... the one direction it could go... was terrifying.

I was gentler around him. Tried to have more conversation, not so much physical interactions, and let him initiate most of them. It was tough. I would do anything I could to keep ahold of this boy... even to the extent that I would step back from being his Dom if that meant that I could love him for the rest of our lives. That also scared me.

I never once wanted to change for a single soul. I had always told myself that I would never let anyone in my life change me from who I want to be... but I guess things can change? Love does that to people right? I mean... Jisung and I have never really put a label on our relationship... it was just a sub/Dom relationship to an outsider's perspective... if they even knew what was going on.

We had yet to talk about being boyfriends... or talk about our actual feelings towards what we had. Or what we wanted out of it in the long run. I felt like a failure for not communicating things more clearly... and here I am... terrified to lose the love of my life over one little punishment that I should have talked to him about.

It was stressful. So stressful... that sadly it was starting to show in my performance and work ethic. Which wasn't a good sign... This almost meant that Chan had every right to pull me aside after recording that day. I was a bundle of nerves about it, and he could see it all over my face.

"Minho? You have a minute?"

I internally shuddered. I really hoped that this conversation wasn't going to go bad. I didn't want to explain myself too much to him, mostly because he already knew enough about the situation and didn't ask to know more... not that I would tell him anyway... I sighed softly and nodded.

"Yeah."

He pulled me aside after everyone had left the room, Jisung had been there and gave me a lingering glance before he too left the room. Though I was surprised that he did text me right away.

Sungie <3:

Everything okay?

Me:

Yeah... Chan just wants to talk. I will text you in a bit.

Sungie <3:

Okay <3

Me:

<3

I couldn't help but smile at the little hearts we sent back and forth. He was the sweetest to me. I really didn't deserve him sometimes, but him being this sweet doesn't mean that he isn't still bothered by what had happened. I can't say that I was over it either... I felt as if I had failed him, and that was heartbreaking in itself.

"Minho? Hello?"

I snapped my head up and locked eyes with Chan. I bowed my head a bit in apology.

"Sorry... it was Ji."

"Speaking of Jisung... so... what the hell is going on? You are super distracted lately, he's not much better than you are right now... What happened between you two?"

I chuckled a bit, "I don't know if you really want to know details, but we had a misunderstanding... and things are a little tense. We are still working through it... I promise it will be better by next practice... we just... need to talk again."