The next few days of school go well, me and Finn get along and now its finally winter break. I still have to deal with him though.
The first day of break, I wake up to a text from Finn asking what time he should come over. We agree on 2 pm. I spend the morning cleaning my room and preparing for his arrival. I don't know why I care so much about what he thinks.
I just don't want him to see my room as a mess. As the time approaches, I find myself getting more anxious. I have no idea what to expect from this day.
Finally, the doorbell rings and I quickly go to answer it. Finn is standing there, his hair slightly disheveled from the winter wind. "Hey," he greets me, a small smile on his face. "Ready to get started on this project?" We spend the afternoon working, our conversation flowing easily. It's almost like old times.
"So, what have you been up to lately?" I ask him
"Nothing much," he replies, "Just hanging out with friends, playing some guitar. You know, the usual." He seems more relaxed than before, the awkwardness from our past interactions slowly fading away. "What about you?"
"Just hanging out with Alice and Ellie mostly," I respond, "Trying to keep up with school work. You know, the usual teenage stuff."
"What does the 'usual teenage stuff' entail for you guys?" he asks
I laugh, "Well, you know, the usual, just hanging out," i say "How are Ana, Hazel and Stanley?"
"They're good," he says "Stanley's just, being very Stanley right now"
"So he's being an annoying bitch?" I say
Finn chuckles at my comment, "That's one way to put it," he replies. "But yeah, he can be a handful sometimes."
"I don't get why he hates me so much. I know I've done a fair share of shitty things but he's hated me since before then" I say
Finn looks thoughtful for a moment, then shrugs. "Honestly, I think Stanley just likes to have someone to be against," he says. "You know how he is, always looking for a fight." He lays down on the floor and stretches out. He hits something under my bed. I didn't realize I still had bottles under my bed.
He pulls it out and looks at me. "Still haven't calmed down?" he says
"I have a little since Thanksgiving, that's just you know, just in case," I say "Want some?"
"Maybe later, but then I'll probably have to stay the night," He says
I chuckle at his comment, "We'll see about that," I quip and put the bottle away. We get back to work on our project, but the atmosphere is a bit more relaxed now.
We continue working on the project until late in the evening. It starts getting pretty late.
"Is it late enough for you yet?" I ask
"Possibly," Finn says smirking a little.
"You sure about it?" I ask
"I suppose one drink won't hurt," he concedes, leaning back. "But you better not let me pass out on your floor."
I laugh, heading over to retrieve the bottle from under my bed. "Deal," I say, pouring us each a drink.
We drink at talk a lot about nothing for a while. It feels nice. Then I start to feel my mood shift. I try to stop it and keep being fun. I try to make him not notice.
"Y/N?" he says, snapping me out of my head.
"Sorry, I spaced out for a bit," I admit, managing a weak smile. "What were you saying?"
He looks at me, concern etched on his face. "I was just asking if you're alright," he says softly. "You seemed a bit lost in thought there."
"No, I'm fine really," I say, trying to sound convincing, though I can feel the shakiness in my voice.
"Are you sure?" he asks, his eyes narrowing with concern.
"Really, I'm fine, Finn," I insist, forcing a smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes.
"Are you really sure? It feels like you always get like this when you're drunk," he says, his tone softening a little
I look away, my mind drifting back to that night at homecoming. "Do you remember homecoming? Me storming out?"
"Yep," he says. "I remember."
"It's because my mom texted me," I say, everything starting to feel bitter
"And why did that make you get pissed and yell at everyone?" he says
I take a deep breath, feeling the familiar sting of tears coming on "Have you ever noticed how I never mention her? And how she's not here?" I pause, swallowing hard. "It's because she left my family. That's why it matters," I say, my voice breaking as I struggle to hold back my emotions.
Overwhelmed by a rush of emotions, I suddenly find myself unable to hold back the tears. I stumble slightly and fall into Finn, burying my face into his shirt, my shoulders shaking with silent sobs. He wraps his arms around me. We continue like this for a while.
He eventually sits me back up and pushes my hair out of my face. Then he kisses me. I sit there for a second and just let it happen. He pulls away from me. I can't find any words.
"I'm sorry," he says suddenly, standing up and grabbing his things. "I shouldn't have done that." Before I can respond, he heads for the door. "I should go," he mutters, not even looking back. The door clicks shut behind him, leaving me sitting there in silence.
I sit there for a long time, staring at the door where Finn just left. The room feels so empty without him. Eventually, I stand up, my legs feeling shaky. I walk to the bathroom and turn on the shower, letting the water run until it's steaming. I step into the shower and sit down on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest.
The hot water pours over me, but I barely feel it. My mind is racing with a thousand thoughts, each one more chaotic than the last. Why did he kiss me? Why did I let him? Was it a mistake? I sit there under the steaming water for what feels like hours, trying to make sense of everything. Eventually, I get out of the shower and dry off, feeling a little more composed.
After getting out of the shower, I'm kind of still reeling. I need to talk to someone, to get some perspective. I grab my phone and scroll through my contacts until I find Alice's number. My fingers hover over the call button for a moment before I press it. The phone rings a few times before she picks up.
"Hello?" Alice answers, but her voice sounds a bit distracted.
"Hey, Alice. It's me," I say, trying to keep my voice steady.
"Oh, hey Y/N," she replies, but I can hear some background noise. "Sorry, I'm kind of busy right now. Ellie and I are hanging out."
"Oh, okay," I say, trying to hide my disappointment. "I just needed someone to talk to, but it's fine. I'll catch up with you later."
"Yeah, for sure," Alice says, her tone still a bit distant. "Talk to you later, Y/N."
I hang up the phone, feeling a little more alone than before. My best friends are hanging out without me. I have nobody to talk to. Nothing to do. I decide to lie down on my bed and stare at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts. Eventually, I drift off to sleep, hoping that tomorrow will bring some clarity. Maybe even a chance to make things feel better.
