52 Weeks

Explanations

"Why is it, that every time I wake up the walls are weirdly white?" A soft, crackily voice asked the red hatted man. Jordan smiled down at Aleks, placing the water on the bedside table. 

"Because you're the only one who ever uses this room. And because you're easily catchable." Jordan said. Aleks groaned, his hand coming up to rub at his eye before it was pushed away. He glared at Jordan, his eye was itchy.

"You have two black eyes, rubbing them wouldn't be the best thing to do." Jordan explained. Aleks rolled his eyes, sitting up and feeling pain shoot through his back and lower half. It was unfortunate to say that the pain reminded him of the first time he woke up at Jordan's. He must've grimaced because Jordan's eyes filled with pity. 

"How do you feel?" Jordan asked. 

"Like I got ran over by a truck." Aleks responded, reaching forward and grabbing onto Jordan's shirt so he didn't fall backwards. Jordan carefully wrapped his arms around Aleks' waist. Holding the smaller man close to him. Aleks rested his head on Jordan's shoulder, letting out a long breath. 

Jordan used one of his hands to rub Aleks' back, soothingly. Aleks was weird to say the least. Jordan had had other people taken by Dex in a similar situation. They always flipped out, screamed, cried, gone into anxiety attacks around Jordan but Aleks just seemed tired. 

Aleks was tired, exauhsted actually. His body hurt and his mind was betraying him once again. Filling his brain with horrible thoughts about how much Jordan hated him. Jordan had to hate him, had to just want to get rid of him. But why did he save me? Aleks thought. He didn't understand how someone like Jordan could want to be around someone like him. 

"Why?" Aleks questioned quietly. Jordan hummed, not having heard anything but a small whimper. Aleks lifted his face from Jordan's shoulder, his eyes red despite the blackness surrounding him. 

"Why is it that after all of this shit, being kidnapped, sold, forced to make up with Eddie, being kidnapped again and ending up back with you. Why does after all of that, it feel like butterflies are in my stomach when you hold me? Why do I crave you like some sort of drug? Why do I feel like I'm never enough for you? I don't understand." Aleks said a few tears dripping off of his cheeks and onto Jordan's jeans. 

Jordan continued to rub Aleks' back, helping to keep him calm. They stared at each other for a moment. 

"It's a simple word for complex feelings. Love, I guess." Aleks said, refusing to return his gaze to Jordan. He was just crazy, simply bonkers. All of this was only messing with his head and making him go crazy. 

"It's alright to feel things Aleksandr. I of all people should know. Now you're in pain, lay back and I'll get you some medicine." Jordan said, lightly pressing Aleks back into the bed. 

"That's it? That's all you have to say? I just poured my heart out to you in a way that only Eddie knew and all you can tell me is to lay down? Fuck you Jordan, at least address the fact that you're the one that wanted me, not the other way around." Aleks spat at him, feeling rage build in his soul. He had always worked so hard to keep any and all emotions bottled up. Now that he had finally spoken these new words Jordan had nothing to say?

"Calm down, that's not what I-"

"Stop telling me to calm down! 'It's okay to feel' that's what you just told me. Now nevermind you can feel but in muted amounts." Aleks stood up from the bed, regretting it as his head spun and his back throbbed. Jordan caught the falling russian, just in time. 

"C'mon, back in bed." He lifted Aleks into the bed, placing the blanket over him. 

"Look Aleks, I'm not ignoring your feelings or avoiding my own. I know how I feel about you. You make me feel things that I haven't felt in years. I know that you're headstrong and despite all that you're saying now, in 23 weeks when you're time is up, you're going to walk out that door. Now go to sleep, we can talk more in the morning." Jordan turned off the lamp on the bedside table and stood up, feeling a hand grab onto his shirt. 

"Stay with me?" Aleks' lip wobbled and he bit it to hold back from crying. He had completely forgotten about being able to leave. Hadn't really thought about it at all. He didn't want to think about it. 

Jordan nodded and crawled into bed next to Aleks, resting an arm on his waist. He could feel Aleks' tears soaking into his shirt and he knew it wasn't from the physical pain. Pressing a kiss to Aleks' forehead, Jordan watched him fall asleep.