Luke Hemmings - Roommates

First Hello and Final Goodbye

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

After almost ten minutes of CPR Blake's heart monitor begins to beat again. Its slow, too slow for the doctors liking but for me I couldn't think of anything better. The once annoying sound was now music to my ears as my heart leapt into my mouth. He was still alive and his heart was beating once again. A doctor tried to push me out of the way but I stood my ground with a firm grip on his hand almost missing when he squeezed it back. "You can't die Blake." I whispered in his ear. "Not yet, not like this."

"I won't," he croaked out before falling into a medically induced coma. I sat there for almost twenty hours, never moving an inch. Michael was still sat beside me holding me close to his chest. I could feel the fast beat of his heart and looked at him with confusion clear on my face. "Mikey?" I asked and he tore his gaze away from my half-alive fiancé to look me dead in the eyes. I couldn't bring myself to say he was half dead. "Tell me he's going to be alright." I begged with all of my heart for him to do that one simple task. I needed him to tell me he would make it through this.

"He's going to be alright Kenzie. Somebody up there owes you big time for the shit they've put you through in your life and this is not going to happen. You deserve some happiness and you're going to get it."

"Why can't it be me?" I asked him wishing it was. I wish just this one time, more than ever, that it could be me lying on that bed. I would give up my life for his in less that a heartbeat, I wouldn't even need to think about it. Just this one time, please let it be me. "I am sick of seeing the people I love fade away and die. Why can't it be me?"

"Because an angel up there really likes you and I guess they're just looking out for you."

"The fucking angels can go to hell. Nothing exists beyond this life, no God, no heaven or hell, no nothing. If there was how could this ever be fair? How could somebody do this to him?" My breathing was ragged as my anger levels shot through the roof. How could anybody ever do this to another human being. People, whenever they talk about war, talk about how bullets kill people. That's just not the case. People kill people, bullets are just the objects which are used to do so.

"Calm down Kenzie. The doctors have said he's fine."

"Stop bull-shitting me. The doctor said he was critical but alive for now." I stood to my feet and ran my fingers through my hair. "I need a drink." Michael gently grabbed my wrist knowing I was not on about a coffee.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" He asked me cocking his eyebrow and I just pulled my hand out of his tight grip.

"I love you." I whispered in Blake's ear, kissing his forehead before leaving. I walked outside of the hospital and the first thing I did was throw up. The sight of him like that and the thought of losing him made me physically ill. I wiped my mouth with the back of my jacket sleeve and leant against the wall to give myself some time to calm down and sort myself out. I reached into my bag and took out the box of cigarettes from my night with Daniel. I debated on what to do but eventually I grabbed the zippo lighter and lit the cigarette bringing it to my lips. I inhaled, held it there for a couple of seconds and then exhaled the smoke. It hit me what I was doing and I dropped the tab to the floor crushing it out with my shoe and mentally scolding myself for what I had done.

I scouted out a bar and took a seat at the crowded bar since the football was on. I guess since I'm in America I should probably say soccer but who cares. I ordered a drink and paid before throwing it down my neck. It would be the first of many and six hours later I was plastered. I walked outside of the bar and leant against the wall. I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe and that was it. All of my pent up emotion from the age of eight to eighteen all came flooding out at once. I tried, I really tried, to hold myself together and act strong this one last time but it failed miserably. I just couldn't do it anymore.