KISS AND KILL

THE BITTER REGRET 💔

I pushed my hair back and made sure my makeup was not smeared with the teardrops.I pumped confidence in my posture and took a champagne in my hands.I gulped it down bit by bit.I tried to hold the glass elegantly but I was shivering from head to toe.A severe ache was forming right behind my eyes and my throat was burning due to the amount of alcohol that I have already consumed.I stood there, hearing the loud sound of photographers clicking his picture.Damn it!I will not read tomorrow's newspaper.How can I possibly see with my naked eyes how happily he is living while I am dying everyday from within my soul.No,no,no...I can't do this anymore.

I ran towards Jenna and pressed her hands tightly.Even without a word in return,she held me tightly.She understood me perfectly by seeing how scared I was to see him again.So I stood there ,sandwiched between Lion and Jenna,like a little girl afraid of Ickabog.My eyes kept searching the entrance to see if he was coming in anytime soon.
That's when I heard the people making way for someone.Shit!He is here, finally.I sucked in my breath at the sight of him.No matter how many times I kept reminding my heart that he is no more mine,it won't listen.I miss him, terribly and fiercely.After all ,our love life was like earth and sky.He guarded over me with his soul,feeding me the good share of his tears while I supported him by holding a good part of his sorrows and loving him unconditionally.Without him,what am I? Without me,do he even really exist?Maybe he does,but he won't survive to live.Or maybe ,it was just something I wanted to believe.

My heart kept drumming in my chest when I noticed how handsome and professional he looked.Unlike me,he doesn't have dark circles under his clear blue eyes.He looks muscular and healthy while I have lost a lot of weight since our breakup.Oh shit!I wish I could wipe off that damn smile from his face when I don't even feel happy anymore.Only when Jenna's nails started digging in my arms, I realised that my ex boyfriend was not alone.He is accompanied by his present girlfriend Sophia who is holding his hands like she doesn't ever want to let them go.A cameraman who has entered the party despite the restrictions shouted out to him something.I don't know what happened next.I saw the love of my life leaning his head towards Sophia,the next moment,his lips were on hers.It wasn't just a-brush-of -lips-to-satisfy-others kind of kiss.It was hard and fierce.Brain is a bitch! Memories kept floating in my mind,him kissing me, holding my hand, sleeping with me, making love to me,so many miserable but precious memories to handle.I averted my eyes from the blurred image right infront of my eyes and tried to take another gulp from the glass.Then only I realised that it was empty.

I excused myself away from Jenna and went to take another glass.Just as I was standing at the bar and having my drink and feeling a dizziness in my head that I noticed him with Jenna and Lion.They were all hugging each other and Jenna kissed his cheek.I felt nauseated.It should have been me!I was the one supposed to welcome him, holding his hands, kissing him.How cruelly fate snatched everything from our hands.

Out of the blue, Jenna's dad approached the bar and outright started a conversation with me which I found quite boring considering my present state of mind.Finally,when I felt like I could not manage any more drinks,I kept the glass down and kept continuously nodding my head to whatever Jenna's dad was telling.
Then his eyes lit up and his eyes focused on someone behind me.He exclaimed out loud with absolute delight"Oh my god,NICHOLAS!!!"
Fuck ,Fuck,Fuck....I felt like banging my head somewhere.Standing here,I could sense his presence.I didn't turn back and I don't need to give the reason as it is obvious.
"It's a pleasure to see you again,sir.",he replied like the perfect and polite boy he was.

"I was having a nice little chat with your sister.",The old man said stupidly
"Pardon me sir,but my little sister is not here",how can he answer that with a straight voice while he is perfectly trying to ignore me and pretend that he doesn't understand anything
"Oh no..I was talking about Noah", he kept babbling something and Nick asked with pretended cluelessness,"Who????"
But to my utter contentment, someone else called Jenna's dad and he walked away excusing himself.
I tried to walk away without facing Nick, without encountering the most twisted problem in my life.It was impossible to even stand on my feet with the alcohol slowly taking its effect.
Then I heard the voice I thought I could never hear again talking to me.It rooted me to the spot and kept me there like a wax statue.It was a single word ."NOAH..."