Focus On Me.

eye contact

6:30 am in the morning,alarm rings in my head to tell me its time for me to repeat my life all over again till i get done with high school. I get up and turn it off sighing as if its my worst day ever,i take a shower,brush my teeth and get dressed for high school.
On my way to class i stop and get a coffee since i didnt get much sleep last night..ive been thinking ab my life a lot,im overthinking about school and my love life. Ive never been in love,actually, ive never felt this emotion towards someone in my life because i dont go for girls,i go for men. Men that can handle me around and make me feel protected but i havent fell in love with any guy that ive talked to before,anyway..Going to my class i spot a person down the hallway, it looks like a guy, getting closer and closer i can definitely tell its a guy..a man even. He looks older than me,maybe he is older,i start zoning out and while i do so i bump into him dropping my coffee on his grey shirt,ruining it.
Erik: oh my god! im so sorry i didnt mean to do that i wasnt paying attention to where i was going! I say while panicking i take out some paper tissues from my backpack and hand it to him.
Leo: its okay,i hate this shirt anyways. While he grabs the paper tissues,touching my hand. Its fine,dont stress about it,see you around here.
He said that so nonchalantly,like he wasnt bothered by the hot coffee that was spilled all over him,his hand touched mine..and it made me feel something,something ive never felt before in my life..i got so embarrassed and just froze in place while he went his way,i was probably so awkward when talking to him. I turn back to look at him,to see if he already dissappear and he looks back at me..we stare at each other for a couple of seconds but even if it was just like 10 seconds my heart was racing like i just ran a whole marathon and i felt my face going red,my whole body going numb..then he smiles at me and i just stand there..embarrassed.
First class is over and now im in the hallway with my headphones on,reading my notes for the next class ive got,maths,i cant help but notice i cant focus on what im reading because my mind is thinking ab that guy i saw this morning,i wonder if hes thinking ab me rn as well..i hope he is. The day goes on like every other day of my life,boring and unpleasant.
Tuesday,alarm goes off,i get ready,i go to high school,classes go by fast. Afterschool.
I get out of high school and go to buy something to cook for tonight, im a high schooler but i work on the weekend to make money so i can live my life,my parents died when i was younger and my grandparents told me they dont support my sexual orientation so i just left the house. I live in an apartment with my roommate,Ethan,hes much older than me and we met last year before he finished high school,hes 19. Maybe it seems weird but its nothing like that,he supports me,in fact hes a part of the lgbtq community as well,hes pansexual,if you dont know what that is ill tell you rn,its a person who likes people regardless of their gender,a person that goes for everyone,right now he has a crush on a girl he met on the internet but that doesnt matter..whatever. I buy steak and some potatoes,ill make something really good when i get home so we can both eat when hes back from work,he started his own business and it went up pretty quickly. 7:35 pm. Ethan comes home.
Ethan: Hey Erik,im back from work!
Erik: oh,hey,im cooking right now..im almost done.
Ethan: smells so good,i cant wait to eat. He says while taking his shoes off and goes into his bedroom to change out of his work clothes.
There i am,in the kitchen,cooking. I set up the table and yell for him to come eat the food i made,while we're eating my mouth speaks beforehand.
Erik: there's this guy in my high school and he-
Ethan: how did you meet him? He cuts me off mid sentence.
Erik: i met him on my way to class,i accidentally spilled my coffee all over him but i dont know his name or anything..but um..i wanted to s-
Ethan: do you like him? he cuts me off,again.
Erik: thats kind of rude,you know?
Ethan: whats rude? He puts his fork down and stops eating.
Erik: you keep interrupting me mid sentence and i dont know if i like him but you know..ive never felt love towards anyone before and when he grabbed the paper tissues i gave him he touched my hand..and it made me feel something new..even when i looked back and he made eye contact with me,it made me feel so many things its so weird. I say and start eating.
Ethan: oh wow.
Erik: yeah! My eyes look up at him and i can clearly tell he's pissed off. Whats wrong? i ask.
Ethan: ..nothing, i lost my appetite. He gets up from the dinner table and goes into his room slamming the door shut.