he came like a whisper
left like a dream
nothing to prove he had ever been.
but the tears in the other boy's eyes
and his trembling lips
are the witness of his first kiss,
his first love,
and his very first heartbreak.
nothing felt good after that,
...
when you get what you want, but not what you need;
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Taehyung's heart still feels like it's pounding in his chest hours later when practice rolls around.
He tries so hard to appear unaffected by Jungkook, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Jungkook fucks his mind up, rips him open, and tears him apart. One look at his face and Taehyung's drowning in a hundred memories, dozens of conversations, and tons of touches. It's all there, burning away in his mind, tucked away in a box that he refuses to open.
Taehyung had repressed those feelings for so long, he doesn't know if he would be able to handle it if it did burst open.
When it does burst open being more accurate because Taehyung has no doubt it's going to happen. "A ticking time bomb," his therapist said.
My therapist. What a joke that shit is.
Taehyung has been doing online therapy for a while now. His father deemed it necessary last year when he was struggling to deal with his 'anger management.' Apparently, going around hitting people is frowned upon. Whatever, it lets off his steam, and that's all that matters to him.
He changes into his practice gear and heads out to the field to do a few stretches. It's hot today and he already feels sweaty by the time he gets out there. The guys are warming up and he jogs over, getting in line to do the same before they start on drills.
Soccer to him comes as naturally as breathing. It's also one of the few things in his life that he can fully let myself go in. He doesn't have to think or put on an act—showboat for everyone around him. He can just be. It helps him stay numb. Not the best way of dealing with the bullshit in his head, but at least it silences it for a while.
About halfway through practice, he feels like he's going to die from dehydration and he hates himself for all the vodka he drank last night. He really need to stop drinking. If it wasn't for the numbing buzz, he would never do it. The hangovers are almost not worth it.
Almost.
"You good?" Yoongi asks when he sidles up next to Taehyung, snagging a paper cup and getting some Gatorade from the cooler.
"Of course." Taehyung plasters on a cocky smile, grabbing his own cup.
Yoongi's chest is heaving as he tries to slow his breathing from the last drill. "You sure? You seem off today." Reaching up, he swipes some sweat off his forehead as he gauges Taehyung for a reaction.
"Just tired, but it's all good. First week back and all that." First week back after a lonely summer at his dad's... First time seeing Jungkook in three months... Thinking of him makes his heart do that stupid fucking flutter thing again and he pushes down the buried feelings. Not even going there.
