I dreamt about you. In my dream, you still lived with him. But you two were just friends. You got excited when I asked you out (again), saying something along the lines of having secretly and shyly hoped for it for a long time.
We went out for pizza and tried out new pizza toppings, you really liked the extra cheese on it. You never once said anything about the abuse you put me through. Nor did I. It's as if, in this universe, it had never happened. An ideal.You slept over at my place for multiple nights. We held hands, like we did in chemistry class way back when. Your head rested on my shoulder as we just existed together, for hours. I played with your long hair.
I remember meeting up with him too. Just to talk. He thanked me for making him realize he was being used. Taken advantage of. So you did do some of the horrid things you did in reallife. He and I bonded. I helped him unpack his baggage. It was strange. He's appeared as your accessoire in my dreams before, but never did he break free, nor was a focus in my dreams.A few days in, you and I explored more local places. My brain had made up a whole new city for the dream, yet we still called it by the same name.
We landed at an odd, bar-like place. Lead by the kindest and most welcoming people we ever did see. We got pizza again. I guess my brain was really set on pizza.When it got late, we sat on my balcony together. I ran my fingers through your hair as you rested your head on my shoulder. You spoke of having always wanted this with me. We chuckled and reminisced about how weird we were as teens. We thought about our first kiss again and blushed.
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I've been thinking a lot lately. About you again. You hurt me so severely, that I can't help it. The scars never really disappear. I daydream about the day you realize the errors of your ways and break up with your perfectly groomed boyfriend. The day that you come to me and honestly apologize for the hurt you've caused. The day that I can be with you again, but now with someone who is not a monster.You have ruined me. I cannot love anymore. Despite the unhealable state you have left me in, I desire you so much. I hate you. I am addicted to you. I hate that I love you.
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Trauma Stories
PoetryA collection of poetry, short stories, and more, based on my mental health struggles, my trauma, and general issues. I suffer from CPTSD, General & Social Anxiety, Clinical (and often crippling) Depression, Chronic Pain, general trauma from many thi...
