The Distance Between Us

Ten.

Ever since my mental breakdown that night of the performance, I spiraled into another depression. As much as everyone wanted to talk to me, I became more annoyed with them as the days went by. I did not want to talk to anyone, as much as my heart ached to talk to someone about how I felt, my mind wouldn't let me, leading me to become frustrated with myself.

I had become so annoyed that even when anyone tried calling me, I had configured a prompt on my phone to send a text stating: I am alive, I don't want to talk. I felt terrible for doing it, but my patience was wearing thin when it came to receiving any attention.

Elle had tried talking to me on many occasions, but after two weeks of trying, she gave up and only asked if I was okay- to which I would really "I'm fine." Cillian would pass by to try to talk to me and see if I would open up, but I wouldn't say much and he would sigh and leave.

Just thinking about how I was pushing everyone out even though they wanted to help me made me feel even more depressed and angry at myself, continuing to dig myself into a deeper hole. I was barely passing my classes, I barely got out of bed, and the list can go on forever of what I was barely doing with anything in my life at this point.

I woke up one day and finally decided that I needed to at least take a step to get away from the depression that was controlling me. The first step was to definitely shower and put fresh clothes on and linens on my bed. Much to my disappointment, I felt too tired to do anything after that step, so I laid back down in bed. But, at least this time I felt better with myself since I didn't smell gross and sweaty after being in bed for so long.

I didn't let that stop me from bringing my laptop to my bed and catching up on all of my assignments and emails, which did take me most of my day to complete. I was still alone in the room, so I was about to text either Elle or Cillian to see what they were up to when the door flew open, and Elle had to do a double take when she saw that I wasn't wearing the same clothes I had been wearing for too long to even admit.

When she did register in her head that I was different and looking more alive, she instantly smiled and ran over to me and jumped on top of me, hugging me tightly. We both laughed, my voice sounding foreign as I haven't talked to practically anyone for weeks.

"Lily I'm so happy you're finally getting back to your normal self! We have so much to catch up on, I've missed you so much-even if we sleep like literally right across from each other, it just wasn't the same."

"I'm sorry, it just really took a toll on me. I'm not fully there yet, but I'll find my way there soon."
Elle ruffled my hair and got off of my bed to change her clothes.

"Let's go out to eat because first of all, we need to catch up, and second of all, you need to go out and get some fresh air. You've smelt like shit this entire time here, I was considering bringing in the exterminators." We both laughed and I didn't reply back, I just got up and changed into something more for being 'outside' so I don't have to hear it from Elle that I'm not trying enough.

Once we were both ready, we walked out of our room and walked towards the exit of the building, and we made our way to a local coffee shop to pick back up from where we left off.

Spending time with Elle made me realize that I've been a shitty person for blocking everyone out, I wouldn't be surprised if they hated me. Elle understood, but she did suggest that I talk to my friends and Cillian so that I don't leave them in the dark.

Since it was evening time once Elle and I finished our hang out, I reached for my phone and dialed the first person I needed to make amends with. My phone barely had time to register the call before they picked up.

"Hello?" His thick Irish accent always warmed my heart and made me feel relaxed whenever I talked to him.

"Hi Cillian, are you busy?"