Time Flies

Chapter 13: Where's papa?

authors note: sorry for all the angst but here's a light hearted joke: any ever i type 'papa' i always imagine it in a victorian british accent. like a 9 year old boy in a newspaper boy hat jsut like "papa! papa!" idk makes me giggle sometimes. anyways, hope you enjoy<3

Nicks pov:

I arrive home and see mums car in the driveway.

Once i pull into the garage, i just sit for a second, take some deep breaths, and maybe cry a bit.

Do i tell our kids the full story? but why do it without char? i know they will ask questions so i kinda have to but i can't do it without him. OR i tell the basics and when he gets back we go into a deeper conversation. yeah, that's good.

I take another deep breath and walk inside.

I open the door and see them at the table playing a game. I stand and watch them laugh and chat. it brings me to what it would be like if we did have a baby. the age gap is insane and i can't imagine that. But i could imagine having a little baby in my arms again. i start to cry a bit-

??: "dad?"

I snap out of my daze and look at my three beautiful children and cry more.

I've never cried in front of them before, well besides eli.

Sarah: "nicky come on let's get you settled in. Colette could you get him some water please"

She comes and places an arm around mine and guides me to the table.

I let go of mum and i hug all of my kids, kissing their faces and telling them how much i love them.

Mum looks at me like i'm crazy, we haven't told her about the baby.

I finally settle down in my chair and finally the question comes out-

Blake: "•where papa?•"

I hold myself together but i spill.

Nick: "•papa is in a psych ward right now•"

it goes silent for a moment.

Colette: "•what? why•"

Blake: "•is this is first time?•"

Eli: "•is it because of the baby•"

Sarah: "•okay don't bombard him with questions-wait baby?•"

Nick: "•mum, charlie has a miscarriage.•"

Sarah: "•oh my. nicky i'm so sorry•"

i shrug and continue to answer there questions.

Nick: "•your dads have a lot of mental health problems. it doesn't make us any less capable to take care of you but it does create stress and anxiety. i mean, i have anxiety and depression but do j still take care of you and love you all? yes. Papa, has a lot of other things going on though. It isn't his first time in the hospital to answer your question blake and he just got into a deep state of depression. being here wasn't safe for him or us so he made the decision to go to the hospital•"

Eli: "•what other issues does he have•"

Nick: "•ocd, e@ting disorder, anxiety, and depression•"

They all take a breathe.

Nick: "•i know it's a lot but he is so strong. he made the decision to leave and we can still contact him for 2 hours out of the day and hopefully he will be home in about a week•"

Colette: "•when did his e@ting disorder start? and what is it•"

Nick: "he is anorexic. it started when he was 14/15. which is why we always seem to argue during meal times. but seriously, if you guys feel like you are struggling in any way shape or form, we are always here to guide you. You all have also been in therapy since practically the day you popped out the womb, so talk to them too•"

It's silent.

Nick: "•can i please get verbal agreement that you will come to us if you are struggling•"

(all of the kids in unison): "•yes dad•"

Nick: "•i love you guys so much•"

(all of them): "•love you to dad•"

I look at mum and mouth to her-

Nick: "did i do okay?"

Eli: "•yeah dad you were great•"

I give him a look at he runs upstairs.

Mum nods and i hug her.

(after a minute)

all of the kids went to their rooms and now it's jsut mum and i.

We sit on the couch and i lay my head on her chest and she wraps her arms around me.

I think the moral of my story is 'you can always rely on a parent for comfort'