Time Flies

Chapter 17: trauma?????

Authors note: hey everyone! sorry i haven't been active. there's a lot going on in my life and i didn't have the motivation but im back!! i hope you've been enjoying my little series but ive got some news...

it'll be coming to a close soon!! i had an idea to start a new book-still heartstopper-doing oneshots!!!

I will be taking requests for it, might do some chapters with our little family way in the future, or just something random!!!

if that's something you guys want to see soon...leave a comment and lmk! hope you enjoy this chapter!!💗

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nicks pov:

I don't know what to do. do i respond and make it clear that i don't want to speak with him and that he won't have contact with my kids? or do i just ignore him?

Char made me speak to my therapist, Jeremy, about it. He's a 6'6" black man with a deep but soothing voice. he's kinda old and i've been seeing him for almost 20 years now.

Jeremy: "Okay nick, what seems to be going on?"

Nick: "well...my dad got in contact with Blake...i don't know what to do..."

He gives me easy eyes and thinks for a moment.

Jeremy: "well, why don't you want him in your kids lives?"

Nick: "it's not fair..."

jeremy: "what's not fair?"

Nick: "my whole childhood, i never saw my dad besides maybe two times a year, after they divorced. before that, all i saw of him was him working, arguing, or drinking. i just- why would my kids have a relationship with him when i don't?"

He nods gently.

jeremy: "what would be a reason to have him in your life?"

Nick: "well...i guess so i feel like i have a dad again...."

jeremy: "so you still long do have a father-like unit in your life?"

Nick: "i guess... but my dad is just- he's an awful person. he's not the person i want my kids to know and look up too"

Jeremy just nods for a moment.

Jeremy: "well, if you see more cons in having him in your life, then maybe you shouldn't invite him back."

Nick: "i guess...yeah... but i still...why do i want a father-like figure in my life? it's been years...."

Jeremy: "it's from your childhood trauma. you have never had a real father figure in your life and now that you are father yourself you want to seek guidance from another father, one that's relevant in your life. For many, that's their own dad. Does that make sense?"

I just nod my head. i know i have some problems but i never thought of it like trauma.

Nick: "would you really say it's trauma?"

Jeremy: "Nick, you have very obviously been through a lot. You've watched at a young age your father and mother fight, almost getting into physical altercations at times. You then had to deal with the actual divorce. you got a boyfriend that. you love dearly, but has so many of his own issues; i mean you watched as he walked into a psych ward. You have different responses from everything you've experienced. You care so much about your kids and students because you want to give them a place to go when they need a masculine help or guardian. you do that because you never had that."

I take a deep breath, trying to process what he just said.

Jeremy: "sorry i know that's a lot to dump on you but i believe it's true."

Nick: "i mean...you aren't wrong..."

Jeremy: "I also believe that's why you and charlie go so well together. you both have a fear of abandonment and so you guys are able to depend on each other. But you've both been going through therapy and other ways to help so you aren't so co-dependent on each other, if that makes sense"

I look down at the floor in shock. we've never gotten this deep and he's never been so blunt with me. It's kind of scary...

Jeremy: "to put it bluntly, i was here when your relationship first started, and i k ow that you guys were so codependent because neither of you were getting help. then as you grew and got help you aren't as attached. You have fear of everyone you know leaving you because that's exactly what your dad did to you.

if you don't want that man in your life than don't invite him in. I know you have problems with boundaries too sometimes, but this is something that you need to set clear."

I stare blankly at him for a moment then start to stutter.

Jeremy: "listen, i hate to caught you off but, our times up. maybe this is good though, you can think about this until our appointment next week, alright?"

Nick: "oh umm...yeah sure...thank you..."

Jeremy: "i know it's a lot but, you're strong. everything will be okay."

i give him a gentle smile before leaving. I walk out to my car and sink into the drivers seat.

i sit and just stare ahead blankly.

what.

the.

fuck?

My brain goes on autopilot as i drive home and before i know it, im sitting in the parking lot of a pub.

what.

the.

fuck.