Lightbringer

Chapter 8: Reprieve

I think I must have misheard him. "What?" I stammer.

"Look around you, Lucifer. All my bargaining, my risks, and my suffering –" he doesn't sound bitter when he says that, just factual "– none of it mattered."

"I know. God betrayed you."

"No." His tone is fierce, and the gleam in his eye is, much to my surprise, admiration. "You already saved them." He points out the windows overlooking the cities of Hell. "You already won."

My head is spinning. Not for one second since the curse have I felt like I won. It felt like all I did was kick desperately to keep my head above water and hope that I don't take everything that matters with me when I inevitably go under. You already won.

"It isn't over," I admit reluctantly. It would be such a nice fantasy to think I was free of this weight, but whatever victory I've won is no guarantee of the future. I gesture vaguely to my murder wall. "God's not going to let us off the hook that easy." 'Easy' isn't exactly accurate, perhaps, but compared to the scale of what I fear god is capable of and what he might do, it might be a fair assessment.

Jesus moves past me to study my wall. "This is... thorough," he says after several minutes of careful examination.

"Don't tell me I'm paranoid."

"Hm, maybe. But quite within reason." His fingers brush a note that reads simply: "everyone dies".

"Better paranoid and wrong than unprepared and dead." I shift uncertainly. I feel like maybe I should be more wary of him reading all my notes – I don't know that he won't go running back to our father with a report – but I'm capped out on anxiety and it's such a relief to share the burden and fears with someone who knows and understands. Not that the other fallen don't – I mean, they did choose to fall with me, and I love every one of them for that. But (assuming his story is true, and after my experience I have every reason to believe him) this Jesus is going through (has gone through?) the same journey I started uncounted eons ago.

"Too true." Jesus turns back to me then, his expression sympathetic. "Look, Lucifer, you're doing great work here, but I can't stay. Father will be expecting me back in heaven. I know he and the other unfallen divines can't get in here uninvited, but since I am human as well as divine, I hope I'll be able to return. That is," he raises his eyebrows in question, "if you'll allow me."

"Sure. I mean, of course." I am torn between wanting to warn him that he cannot underestimate the potential for god's wrath, and letting him enjoy his time in the sun as the favorite child while it lasts, without harassment from a mad prophet of doom (me). "But god might cast you out too if he finds out you're coming to see me of your own accord, more than this once."

"Then at least I know I'll have somewhere to go," he says, smiling. "Besides, you need me there. I'll see what I can find out about Father's plans and intentions and give you fair warning if I hear Doomsday is on the horizon."

Abruptly, my urge to dissuade him diminishes. Is that all it takes to override my morals – for someone to be useful? "Are you sure?" I attempt, a little halfheartedly now. "You'd be betraying your father. The consequences..."

"This is how I can do the most good, Lucifer. I'll be careful. And if anything happens, I don't think... well, I mean..." He smiles apologetically. "I'm his favorite child."

So was I, I think, but don't say. I don't want to sound bitter or jealous (am I bitter and jealous?). I also thought I possessed a degree of invulnerability because of his affection for me, but here I am. But maybe I'm wrong and he is different. I'll let him have this, at least for now. "As long as you're sure, then thank you. That would ease my mind greatly."

"Speaking of, before I go, there's one more thing I can do to ease your burden here. Am I right in thinking that all the divine beings with rights to be here have access to the essential substance of this realm?"

"Yeah, I mean..." I motion generally out the windows to encompass all of Hell. "I couldn't develop, much less support, it all on my own; eldest or no, I don't have the capacity of the higher divines like our father. Without them, all of this would collapse. Though I suppose as the creator I do..." I half-shrug, looking for words.

"Bear the brunt of it," Jesus finishes for me. I nod. "Well, I may not be the eldest, or strictly speaking one of the higher divines, but I do have access to this realm and a lot of divine energy at my disposal, so..." He spreads his arms, and the glow about him intensifies, becoming so blinding I have to shut my eyes. A rushing pulse of energy runs through me, or rather through the realm, but it's like I can feel it imbedded in my blood. When the other angels had contributed their strength and power to help build and support Hell, it had felt a little like this. But where that had been a trickle, this was a deluge. I could feel the very foundations of Hell being reinforced and bolstered, and the pressure, the strain from maintaining this realm on nearly my divine force alone, eases so dramatically I hadn't realized how much it impacted me until now. It's like an elephant has been sitting on my chest and I just thought breathing was supposed to be that hard, and now that it's been removed, I can't believe I didn't notice it before. I haven't felt like this since... well, it must have been before the fall.

"Whoa." I stretch myself and flex my wings instinctively as the light ebbs. I feel fresh and reinvigorated – brand new. "That was impressive. I cannot thank you enough."

"Of course. And if you ever need anything else, you have but to ask. This should hold for as long as I live, provided I don't regress."

"I'm sorry, but did you say 'regress'? What does that mean?"

"Well..." He's giving me that same look he gave me when he first arrived here, the how-can-you-possibly-not-know-what's-going-on-here look. "I wasn't always this powerful. I was like you, weaker even. Then I became human but was still divine, so I couldn't just be killed – we don't just die like that, or at least don't stay dead. So when I was reborn – reincarnated, reassembled, what have you – I don't know if a mistake was made or if it's just because I'm freshly back, but I came back way more powerful than before. So here it is, for as long as it lasts, you will have as much of my strength as I can spare. It should last you a few billion or trillion souls at this capacity."

"Thanks." I can't help grinning. "Here's hoping you get to keep your extra godly juice." He laughs and I embrace him, feeling hopeful for the first time since the dawn of creation. "Good luck with father."

"Yes. I'll see you again, Luce." Jesus begins to glow, and then just like that, he vanishes before my eyes. Luce? Ridiculous. But I can't stop smiling.

Abaddon pokes her head back in. "So? What was that all about?"

I don't even know where to begin.