Nightmare-tom kaulitz

Showtime

At the arena, we park next to Tokio Hotel's tour bus. It's clear which ones which. Their bus is bigger, fancier and newer. I wonder how luxurious it is on the inside.
The arena is giant. The stage is bigger than anything we've ever plaid on. About doubled the size of the other ones.
A man dressed in black with a radio thing in his ear walks over to us. His accent is very clearly american.

"Have you heard that Tokio Hotel is playing here too? After you." He says.

"We just found out yesterday, but what exactly is the schedule?" Connie says to the man.

"Follow me, I'll show you around and tell you the schedule. Tokio Hotel is already here but you get to test out on the stage and stuff first. Once your show is done, we clear it and Tokio Hotel get to practice before their show starts at 11:00." The man says. We follow him further into the arena.
The ceiling is very high up and the giant room is round with places to stand around the sides of the circle. The floor in front of the stage is giant and I remember how many people will be here. 20.000 people, just this night. Tomorrow will be 25.000 people and the rest will be 30.000 people. 20.000 people already sounds like a lot to me. I've tried to imagine how it will look when we're on stage, and I am so excited to see it for real.

The man shows us backstage where there are chairs, a big table, couches and other things we will need. And Tokio Hotel are here in the room. I smile unconciously when I see Tom and he looks at me like we haven't seen each other in years. But I don't go over to him and Tom doesn't move any closer to me. The state of Bill and Connie is still fragile and we shouldn't provoke them yet.

"Here they are. Tokio Hotel. You can take all the food you need from over there and there are drinks in the fridge." The man says and smiles at us before he leaves.
Suddenly, I get incredibly nervous. We have to do so much before the show and it's in a few hours.

"Your rooms are over there. The left side of the hall, we have the right side. There are showers and so on." Bill tells us, pointing to a door further into the room without looking at us.
Tom is still looking at me.

"I'm gonna go check out the room." Connie says and starts towards the door Bill pointed at.

"I'll come with." Bonnie says and Maggie is already on her way to the food table and fridge.
Bonnie and Connie have their back turned to me, and Maggie is so focussed on the food that she has probably forgotten why we're here.
So I take my chance to talk to Tom. But when I turn to walk over to the couch where Tom is, he is only ten feet away from me and still walking. I take the last few steps.

"You look... delicious. Like a rockstar. Beautiful." Tom says when he gets close enough for me to hear him. He grabs my waist and pulls me close against his body. I can feel the warmth from his soft, tan body through his shirts. He's wearing two oversized t-shirts and some darker jeans than he had on yesterday. His hat today is red with a logo that I don't recognise.

"You look boxy... like usual." I say jokingly. He scoffs and smiles.

"Mean... I know you love my style." He says, almost whispering as his face moves closer to mine and our lips collide. My body relaxes when I finally can feel his soft lips again, while his body tenses and his fingertips dig into my back. I smile when I notice how quickly he got hard. I can feel it against my stomach.

"Not my fault. You're a witch." Tom says and kisses me again.

"I've only ever bewitched you..." I mumble, dazed and out of it. I feel like everything has dissapeared around me when I'm in his arms. I grab his face with my hands when I can't get to his hair.
My stomach makes a noise and the feeling of hunger brings me back to reality.

"Tom... we can't do this here." I say, pulling away from him. I can feel the dissapointment when I say that, and I am dissapointed too.

"According to your stomach, you need some food. Let's go." Tom says, trying to act normal even though I know how much he wants to be alone with me right now. He takes my hand and drags me to the table where Maggie is still standing, eating. We let go of each other when we get close, just in case she feels the same way as Connie about me and him.

"You don't have to stop touching each other around me. I'm totally fine with it as long as it's just a fling that ends when we go home." Maggie says and stuffs her mouth with green grapes. I look at Tom and he looks at me. Our eyes say more than words could. We both know that this feels like more than just a fling, while we don't know exactly what that is.

"Let's call it a fling for now, then." Tom says and I nod in Maggie's direction. She smiles, satisfied.

"Maggie... we are all from Germany. It's not like it would be hard to find each other again." I say. Her smile fades while she thinks. I wish I knew what happens in her head when she thinks like this. It's like she's looking at an invisible map of Germany.

"Yea... well... you could just choose not to." She says, and smiles triumphantly like she just solved all of our problems. When she walks away, I can't help but laugh quietly.

"Gustav would love her." Tom says, laughing along with me.

***

Fifteen minutes until we are on stage, and I can hear the crowd roaring louder than ever. Anxiety and adrenaline fills my body and I feel like I'm about to throw up.
Maggie and Bonnie are standing ready behind me and Connie. We have made it into a tradition that we walk in together - Connie and I hand in hand, and Bonnie and Maggie hand in hand. I'm crushing Connie's hand with mine while I keep my eyes closed to control my breathing. I've warmed up my voice and practiced all of the songs again and again, and I know that nothing can go wrong. But even then, I feel so anxious but also excited since it's so many people. 20.000 people are in front of the stage right now, screaming our names at the top of their lungs.
The feeling is indescribable.

"Okay... I'm ready." I tell Connie. She nods at me and takes a deep breath. I can hear Bonnie and Maggie mumbling something with excited and sqeaky voices, but I can't hear what.
With the microphone in one hand and Connie in the other, I take a deep and nurturing breath, and say: "Showtime..."

***