Nightmare-tom kaulitz

Tokio Hotel TV

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT BISCUITS, THAT WAS INSANE!!!" Maggie shouts the moment we are backstage again.

"I can't believe we did that, and with no errors at all. We were perfect!!!" I say, holding Connie's hand the same way as when we went on stage. It just feels right.
Tokio Hotel is still here. It surprises me that all of them are smiling and happy, including Bill. Especially Tom. Tom shoots up from the couch and picks me up from the ground. I squeal at the unexpected levitation, but then he sets me down again.

"I heard it all... you were amazing! So much better than I remember from hearing the songs before. I knew you could do it." Tom says, grabbing my face and kissing me, not caring about all of our friends around us.

"Thanks." I say, shocked but high on adrenaline so I can't stop smiling.
The staff is already clearing the stage and putting up Gustav's drum set and whatever else they need.
The man dressed in black from earlier comes up behind me and says: "You all have twenty minutes until the VIP's come backstage. We are getting a room ready back there where you can sign autographs and take photos and all that stuff." He nods and smiles before walking over to the place where we are gonna spend some time with some of our fans.

"I can't say I'm all that happy about the system. The people with the most money and the most confidence can get a VIP ticket and talk to us. What about the other fans who don't get to talk to us just because they don't have enough money or there weren't any VIP tickets left? I think it's sort of unfair." I say, finally relaxing my face that hurts from smiling.

"I felt like that too at first, but there are so many of them that it's impossible to talk to all of them in such a short amount of time. We talk to as many as we can for as long as we can take, and that's all we can do." Bill says, smiling at me. The smile comes back and hurts my face but I don't care.

"Did you like the songs?" I ask, hopefully.

"Meh... I guess they weren't so bad." Bill says with a smile that tells me that he liked them more than just "meh".
Still happy out of my mind and not thinking far enough, I move away from Tom and wrap my arms around Bill. He doesn't react at all. He doesn't hug back at first but he doesn't protest. After a few seconds of consideration, he lightly puts his arms around my waist.
I feel incredibly successful now. I just did my first ever show in America AND Bill Kaulitz finally likes me a little bit.

"This is the best day of my life!" I exclaim and let Bill go of my deathly tight hugs.
Out of nowhere, a camera crew pops up from somewhere and I didn't even notice them.

"Ah... Tokio Hotel TV. Wanna be in it? They weren't supposed to be here until the show but I guess they can see the preparations for it then." Tom says and follows Bill to the cameras. They start talking and explaining where we are and what we're doing.

"You can just hide if you don't want to be in it. I get it if you don't want to. I mean some of our fans might not like you very much." Georg tells me. I look at the cameras and think about how much I want to be involved in Tom's life.
Whatever we are to each other, it was only supposed to be a one night stand. Though I want it to be more and I feel a lot more adoration for Tom, I don't know if it would be smart to have a permanent affect on his life. One of which would be the internet. If I'm in a Tokio Hotel TV video, that will last forever unless they don't use the footage.
But with the adrenaline in my body and the excitement, I decide to stop thinking so much and just live my life. Right now, I want to be around Tom. Right now, I want to be on Tokio Hotel TV because I have been a fan for years.
The inner fan girl will be exctatic if I do this, and I gotta do it for her.

I walk over to Tom and grab his arms while Bill is talking to the cameras.

"Can I be in it?" I ask quietly as to not disturb the footage. He smiles and his eyes glimmer with such wholesome adoration of me, that I can't stop myself from smiling back.
Bill stops talking and Tom takes over.

"We met the band Panic Soul in the airport when we arrived, and this is the singer, Trudy." Tom says and steps aside and points his hands in my direction as if to show me off. I wave to the camera, not really knowing how to do any of this TV thing.

"Hi..." I say awkwardly and laugh slightly at myself. Tom looks at me how you would look at a lost puppy. Then he turns to Bill and mumbles something that I can't hear but Bill understands. Bill starts talking to the camera again and the camera follows him wherever he goes.
Then Tom turns back to me with a different look. This look is more like how he looked at me last night before we had sex. He takes my hand and starts dragging me toward the door to our temporary rooms.

"I'd say we have somewhere between ten and fifteen minutes left until you gotta go." Tom says and bursts the door to the hall open.

Everything is running through my head in the matter of seconds. My heart is racing and I know that I want nothing more right now than to have sex with him. What scares me a little is how badly I want him. I didn't plan on falling in love with anyone on this tour, and it would complicate things so much.
I have never been in love. I've only ever had love for one night, and that felt like enough for me. But now that I've met Tom, something feels different. I want more. More of him. I want to be the only girl in the world for him. I want to be a real part of his life.
No matter how much Connie, Bonnie and Maggie hate the idea of that, I know that that's what I want. I know it would be very complicated, especially when I don't know if Tom feels the same about me. He could just want this to be a fling, but this feels like more. And I want it to be more. No matter how difficult it will be... he's the one that I want.

***